IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than any other important professionals. Some people think it is justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Athletes have been known to inspire
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 all across the globe, getting high monetary benefits in the process.
Whilst some
Correct word choice
Some

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 believe that it is unfair for them to get
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 high returns
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who work in the alternative, but just as important, trades. I,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, opine that it is absolutely justified.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will discuss both perspectives
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 suitable arguments. Sportsmen are looked up to as role models for physical fitness by the majority of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which is not an easy standard to uphold. They need to undertake an intensive training regime accompanied by an even stricter diet in order to ensure their ability to perform at the time required.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Virat Kohli, who is the captain of the Indian cricket team, is known to exercise for at least 4 hours daily and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has excluded salt and sugar entirely from his diet. Now, if he is financially rewarded in the form of brand endorsements or contract fees, in my opinion, it is only a result of his hard work.
On the contrary
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 believe that other important professionals like economists, police officers or firefighters should be compensated equally.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I acknowledge the fact that without the aforementioned workers, our economy and society may fall apart and play an important role, questioning the income of sportspersons is not correct. The income of every athlete or sportsman is not on the same level, the compensation they get is entirely dependent on the person and not the sport as a whole.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 Ronaldo Messi is amongst the
highest paid
Add a hyphen
highest-paid

It seems that highest paid is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 persons in the entire world, other footballers who play regionally are hardly able to make
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ends meet.
Similarly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if we take every Harvard Business
school
Capitalize word
School

The word school should be capitalized in this context.

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 graduate into consideration, I am certain that not everyone will be drawing big paychecks.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we can not include everyone under the same blanket. In conclusion, I strongly believe that if a sportsman is able to make a great deal of money, it is only because of his own hard work, dedication and ability. Nobody else should be authorized to judge or evaluate the fairness in the matter, irrespective of the field that person may belong .

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which is good. However, make sure to include a clear thesis statement that previews the main points of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided a well-structured response that addresses the task prompt. Your ideas are relevant and examples are provided to support your points, which is good. Make sure to fully address both sides of the argument, and also provide a balanced approach in your own opinion.
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