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Band 7

THE TENDENCY THAT NEWS REPORTS IN MEDIA FOCUS ON PROBLEMS AND EMERGENCIES RATHER THAN ON POSITIVE DEVELOPMENTS IS HARMFUL FOR INDIVIDUALS AND THE SOCIETY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
IN AN EVER-PROGRESSIVE SOCIETY, NEWS TEND TO SOLELY REPORT NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCES AND URGENCIES
INSTEAD
 OF POSITIVE DEVELOPMENTS WHICH HAS A HARMFUL EFFECT ON THE POPULATION. IN LIGHT OF
THIS
, THE WRITER DISAPPROVES OF THE MENTIONED STATEMENT BECAUSE
THIS
 MAINSTREAM WILL RAISE PEOPLE'S AWARENESS AND RESTRICT CRIME POTENTIAL. IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT CONTINUOUS MENTION OF THOSE ASPECTS WILL HELP INDIVIDUALS BECOME MORE CAUTIOUS.
IN OTHER WORDS
, CONSTANT EXPOSURE TO THOSE EMERGENCIES AND PREDICAMENTS WILL GIVE THE community CLEARER INSIGHT INTO THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE PROBLEMS. AS A NATURAL OUTCOME, PEOPLE WILL PAY MORE ATTENTION AND TRY TO AVOID OR GIVE SUPPORT TO THESE DAUTING DIFFICULTIES. ONE PRACTICAL CASE OF
THIS
 IS ENCOURAGING INHABITANTS TO WEAR MASKS DURING THE PANDEMIC. BY EXAGGERATING THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE AILMENT, THE crowd TEND TO BRING MASKS
ALONG WITH
 THEM WHEN THEY TRAVERSE PUBLIC PLACES. ANOTHER STANDPOINT WORTH NEGOTIATING IS THAT CRIMINALS MAY WITNESS A DROP IN NUMBER IF BAD NEWS IS DISPLAYED EVERYWHERE. TO BE SPECIFIC, GIVING MORE EMPHASIS ON ILLEGAL PROBLEMS WILL RAISE CRIMINALS' HESTITATION TO CONDUCT CRIME.
CONSEQUENTLY
, MORE AND MORE INDIVIDUALS WILL BE RELUCTANT TO COMMIT A CRIME OR AT LEAST IT WILL PROBABLY MITIGATE ILLEGAL CRISIS FREQUENCY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, NEW YORK CITY IS NOTORIOUS FOR STREET THIEVES, THEREBY, BY THE GOVERNMENT SHOWING THE RECORDS OF STEALING CASES
ALONG WITH
 THE PUNCH LINE "WE ARE WATCHING YOU" ON THE COMMERCIAL BLOCKS SCREENS, THE RATE OF MEETING A
THEF
Correct your spelling
THIEF
 WAS REDUCED SIGNIFICANTLY. TAKING ALL POINTS INTO ACCOUNT, IT HAS BEEN CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED THAT ILLEGAL DILEMMA REDUCTION AND HEIGHTENING PEOPLE'S CAUTION ARE ESSENTIAL POINTS WORTH CONSIDERING.
HENCE
, REPORTING NEGATIVE PROBLEMS IN THE MEDIA WILL BE BENEFICIAL FOR SOCIAL WELL-BEING.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the context but could be clearer in stating your position from the start. Revising the thesis statement for clarity will help in presenting a more direct argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear and logical connections between your ideas. The paragraphs are well-structured, but transitions between sections could be smoother to enhance overall coherence. For instance, using more linking phrases and transition words would help.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tone and style. While your essay is mostly formal, some phrasing could be more concise. Additionally, avoid minor grammar issues for a more polished finish. Proofreading will help catch these small errors.
task achievement
Expand on your points further to make your arguments as comprehensive as possible. Adding a few more specific examples will solidify your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear argument with a logical structure. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, maintaining focus and relevance.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the pandemic mask-wearing and New York City's approach to crime, effectively illustrates your main points. These examples add strength to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
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