IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Advertisements of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

#advertisements #snacks #toys #impact #children #parents
In the changing time of today, advertisements reached out to every sector like the food industry, game industry and many more. I completely agree with the stance and would enunciate vivid reasons for the same in the discourse ahead followed by my opinion. Games and foods in the street have been much more popular and attractive to the younger generation.
First
 and foremost, snacks and told factors create more impact in offsprings life. These days due to attractive and innovative ads children are easily influenced and even in some cases parents too.
In addition
, a heavy bombardment of advertisements in every corner of the world brought some misleading and misbehaving content to the national people. To cite an example, a recent survey report published by the World Health Organisation report suggests that 62% of American students consumed an unhealthy diet leading them to serious health problems in nearly future. All in all, toddlers do not have a line of understanding about food can
consequently
 it would advert development if certain ads should be banned.
Secondly
, offspring have a perception to play and eat different types of games and food the companies take advantage of
this
 type of psychology. Big firms always make their commercials more unique and magnetic. Eventually, sometimes organisations hire celebrities to promote products and give a sense of assurity.
For instance
, Dominos, an International pizza-making brand, company is every time promoted their brand by popular celebrities. Ergo, children's even parents
also
 get attracted eventually Dominos sales Rose twice in just two years around 75% cells came from the field inside which was not good for child health. In the end,at a certain age before release in the
market
Add a comma
,market
show examples
 some specific authorities have to check their side. To core out, the demerits of commercials for toys and snacks outweigh their merits. In
this
 bombardment
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,commercials government have to screen every advertisement before releasing
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 the public.
Submitted by smitnakrani24990 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!