IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays many children have trouble paying attention in class or concentrating on their school work. Why is this happening? How can this problem be solved?

#children #trouble #attention #class #school #work
In the present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
, it is likely observed that many
students
 display
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 lack of alertness and concentration in regard to their studies.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
 and what measures can be taken to
resove
Correct your spelling
resolve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, the main reason behind
this
 is
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of modern gadgets
such
 as computers, smartphones and tablets.Undoubtedly, by means of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
students
 can gain
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of information but it should be limited to a certain extent. More screen time leads to eye fatigue, headache and muscle pain as well as significantly impairs the focus of
children
 on their school work.
In addition
, to
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 exposes the
students
 to
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
show examples
 from various devices.
For instance
, during the verge of the
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
 all the
students
 attended exclusively online classes and a recent study was done in The United States of
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America pertaining to psychological and behaviour changes of the
students
 when they returned back to normal schools. It was observed that more than half of the
students
 suffered from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of concentration as well as attentiveness.
However
, many steps can be taken by the
parents
 and as well as the teachers to resolve
this
 issue.
Parents
 should allow their
children
 to use computers only for
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
 period of time. Excess use of gadgets for playing games or watching videos should be minimized, and
instead
 of that
parents
 should engage their
children
 in outdoor activities.
Similarly
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational
institutions
Add a comma
,institutions
show examples
 more and more extracurricular activities should be arranged for the pupils and the mentors should motivate the
students
 to participate in them.
Thus
, it will help in
cognitive
Add an article
the cognitive
show examples
 development of the
children
 and
hence
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them away
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the distractions which are responsible for their lack of
Correct your spelling
coordination
show examples
co-ordination
Correct your spelling
coordination
show examples
 and attention while performing
school work
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
. To conclude,
children
 are very vulnerable, they need to be guided properly so that they can utilize their time and energy
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 positive things. Definitely, with the cumulative efforts of both the
parents
 as well as the teachers
this
 issue can be easily resolved.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: