IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the main reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#children #sport #activity #traumas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Major injuries can affect
children
Use synonyms
 when they are forced
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the excessive exercise to keep fit for
Use synonyms
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
. I will analyse and discuss the main reasons and possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for it in detail
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are two main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
resulting
Correct article usage
the resulting
show examples
 significant traumas in
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, competition is getting tougher and tougher in
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 nowadays.
Children
Use synonyms
 who take part in games struggle very hard to remain fit and active to compete with their opponents. For achieving success, they do too much physical activity that sometimes
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in serious mental or physical injury.
Secondly
Linking Words
, teachers and parental pressure as they want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be successful in all tournaments. Since both of them are the main influencers of
children
Use synonyms
 so they follow their
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 and suggestions.
However
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can be prevented by the help of media which is the best voice these days that everyone listens
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 is the most viable solution to raise awareness for preventing sports injuries in
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government sponsored
Add a hyphen
government-sponsored
show examples
 programmes for guardians and teachers on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 can encourage them to prevent their
children
Use synonyms
fron
Correct your spelling
from
traumatic
Add a missing verb
having traumatic
show examples
 injuries in aport. In conclusion,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 should encourage
saftey
Correct your spelling
safety
 measures in
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 to prevent
children
Use synonyms
 from
tramatic
Correct your spelling
traumatic
sufferings
Fix the agreement mistake
suffering
show examples
.
Submitted by tubashaukat93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: