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Band 6.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves?

#somebody #time #household #chores #children #work #people
In recent years, there has been an increasing tendency for people to hire others to take on responsibilities like household chores and childcare. I believe that delegating these tasks not only generates vital job opportunities but
also
 enables individuals to concentrate on more critical priorities, benefiting both the economy and personal well-being. On one hand, employing help for domestic duties and childcare can significantly boost job creation, especially for those from lower-income groups who depend on these positions for their livelihood.
For instance
, hiring domestic workers or nannies offers them a reliable income
while
also
 invigorating the local economy.
Moreover
, outsourcing these duties allows busy individuals to dedicate more time to their careers or personal pursuits, potentially leading to enhanced productivity.
On the other hand
, reduced family connection
: Relying
Correct your spelling
and relying
 on housekeepers or nannies may lead to decreased interaction among family members, particularly weakening the emotional bond between parents and their children. Children might become more dependent on the nanny rather than their parents, which can negatively affect the development of a strong parent-child relationship.
Additionally
, as parents spend less time with their children, they may miss out on important developmental milestones and educational opportunities, potentially increasing the child's sense of emotional and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 detachment. In conclusion,
while
 outsourcing household chores and childcare provides valuable job opportunities and frees up time for other priorities, it is essential to consider the potential impact on family bonds. Striking a balance between using outside help and maintaining strong family connections is key to
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 both economic benefits and the well-being of the family unit.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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task achievement
You covered the topic well and provided a comprehensive response. However, ensure that all points are fully elaborated. For example, discussing potential drawbacks of hiring help deserved more depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, make stronger connections between ideas to ensure a seamless flow of thought between paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided relevant, specific examples that strengthened your arguments, adding credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points were well-supported and logically organized, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic and structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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