IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#part #everyone’s #life #people #lives
It is predicted that the significance of printed
newspapers
 and
books
 will be reduced as everything is available on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 free of cost. I agree with
this
 notion to a large extent;
however
, the importance of printed
newspapers
 and
books
 can be justified and
therefore
, valid arguments for both sides of
this
 issue will be presented in
this
 disquisition. To commence with the notion that digital
books
 would replace the traditional ones, it is undeniable that carrying a large number of
books
 to schools or any place is a daunting task. Just by having an electronic gadget like a laptop or tablet, it is possible to carry myriad
books
.
Moreover
, it allows people to not only study anywhere but
also
 get breaking
news
 from any corner of the world. To elucidate
further
, online
news
 portals update their websites every single moment with the latest
news
, which allows us to be updated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
current affairs.
For example
,
news
 portals update the Russia-Ukraine war every moment so that people can be informed about the recent issues.
Hence
, it is undeniable that digitalized papers would make our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easy and convenient.
Thus
, the significance of traditional ones would be diminished.
On the other hand
, printed
books
 are a great product which has been used as a token of love and friendship for an uncountable period.
Consequently
, the importance of printed copies of
books
 would still be there as they would be used as a type of gift.
Apart from
this
, reading with electric gadgets might be harmful to our eyes and mental health.
For instance
, A recent study found that looking at a mobile screen for 20 minutes at a stretch can reduce our eyesight.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 the extensive use of digital devices would hamper our life, the printed
books
 and
newspapers
 would still be useful to our society.
To conclude
, in spite of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the fact that using electronic gadgets might create an adverse impact on our memory and eyes, I believe that people still prefer to use online copies of
books
 and
newspapers
 as they are convenient.
Nevertheless
, traditional forms of
books
 and
newspapers
 would still be significant to a large extent of populations.
Submitted by md2020 on

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task achievement
While your response is quite comprehensive, you may consider balancing the body paragraphs a bit more. The first body paragraph is much more detailed than the second. Ensure that both sides of the argument receive equal attention to strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. This provides a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
You use specific examples, such as the online updates on the Russia-Ukraine war, which add relevance and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
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