Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #tv #computer #game #abilities

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Children can now more easily obtain

computer

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games

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and watch

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for longer periods of

time

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than they could in the past. Parents are

also

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preoccupied with completing and managing their employment. They

consequently

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don't have enough

time

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to spend with their

kids

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Additionally

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, parents will watch

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and play

games

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with their

kids

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As a result

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kids

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spend a lot of

time

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wasting away on

this

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digital entertainment. Does it have a detrimental impact on

kids

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' mental development? I agree with

this

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point of view. Playing

video

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games

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on the

computer

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and watching

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, in my opinion, harms

kids

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' brain development. First of all,

kids

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who play

video

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games

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computers

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and watch

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become less intelligent.

Computer

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games

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and

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shows offer a multitude of visuals and audio. Youngsters are deprived of the chance to dream and formulate their ideas. They are deprived of the chance to mature and think. It will have an impact on

kids

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' mental capacities.

On the other hand

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, reading and sketching help

kids

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think and fantasize

while

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also

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developing many different brain regions.

Secondly

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, youngsters who spend a lot of

time

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playing

video

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games

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computers

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and watching

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will interact with people less. Children who spend their days playing

video

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games

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on their

computers

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and watching

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will not have the

time

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or chance to play outside with other people.

Additionally

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, exercise promotes brain development.

Consequently

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, it is best to dissuade

kids

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from using

computers

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and watching

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. In summary, our bodies and minds require movement and thought. Both our bodies and thoughts will deteriorate if we stop them from moving.

Consequently

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, rather

Change preposition

than

show examples

letting

kids

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spend too much

time

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and playing

video

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games

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on the

computer

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, we should encourage them to read and draw to develop their mental skills.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sun Mar 03 2024

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Sentence Variety & Transitions

Try to include more varied sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay. This not only improves readability but also showcases your language abilities.

Use of Examples

While your arguments are strong, incorporating specific, real-world examples can significantly strengthen your points and make your argument more convincing.

Logical Structure

Your essay presents a clear stance and systematically develops it throughout, demonstrating good logical structure.

Introduction & Conclusion

You've correctly included both an introduction and a conclusion, framing your discussion well.

Supported Main Points

Your main points are well supported, which helps in articulating your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday will be healthier and happier. However, many elderlies are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. What is the cause? What can be done to deal with this.

In some parts of the world, it is increasingly popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why do people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?