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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
In many cultures, children are taught to
work
 hard in order to achieve something in life.
While
 the message has some advantages, disadvantages should be taken into consideration.
This
 essay aims to outline the pros and cons of
this
 practice. On the one hand, repeatedly reminding a child to maintain hard
work
 can boost his motivation. The young should know that things don’t come to them easily and that they must accomplish good
work
 to get to their goal.
As a consequence
, a person will gain motivation to
work
 harder and harder. To illustrate, my elder brother who finished his bachelor's and master's in one of Hong Kong’s best universities couldn’t have done it If my parents didn’t teach him the importance of hard
work
.
On the other hand
, a child can take these messages in a wrong way or too direct.
In other words
, by hearing these kinds of words from adults, the chances of taking every single
work
 too seriously and complicated are highly possible. Simple summative assessment can be overtaken by children which can
further
 lead to stress, anxiety, and frustration.
For instance
, the majority of A+ students are constantly told to struggle with every subject in school,
therefore
 they tend to self-blame. In conclusion,
while
this
 case has advantages, we should not forget about its disadvantages either. Smart
work
 is always better than hard
work
, and
that is
 why people should stop pressing kids to do hard
work
.
Submitted by naira.gumar on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt by exploring both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner. You've done this well, but more detailed exploration of each could deepen your response.
coherence
To improve coherence, try linking your paragraphs more explicitly, so the transition from one idea to the next is smoother. Use linking words or phrases that show cause and effect, contrast, or elaboration.
cohesion
Include more specific examples to support your main points. While you provided an anecdote about your brother, additional real-world examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task response
Balancing the discussion by dedicating roughly equal portions of your essay to both the advantages and disadvantages can enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your conclusion to not just restate your thesis but also to succinctly summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs, showing how they lead to your final perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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