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Band 4

People are living longer after they retire. What are the problems? What can be done to solve these problems?

#people
In present-day society, individuals are having longevity after their retirements. Its results are
heavier
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a heavier
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 financial burden and
overloaded
Correct article usage
an overloaded
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 as well as
underfunded
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the underfunded
an underfunded
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 healthcare system. The
government
 needs to find solutions to these problems. As far as I am concerned,
this
 phenomenon can be tackled using appropriate measures. On the one hand, there are several issues that may arise when elderly
people
 live longer after they retire. Elder
people
 will require a lot of pensions from the
government
.
Therefore
, there will be an influence on the economy of that country as a lot of money is needed in order to provide enough pensions for retired
people
.
Moreover
, the healthcare system is overloaded and underfunded as well. Due to oldness, there is a sharp increase in
risk
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the risk
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 of sickness and disease. More and more elder individuals have to
hospitalise
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be hospitalise
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, resulting in running out of slots in clinics. As the above-mentioned problem, the
government
 does not have enough money to fund healthcare infrastructure.
However
, there
are
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is
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 a large
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of solutions that can be adopted in order to help deal with
such
 troubles. The
government
 should raise the
retired
Replace the word
retirement
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 age for healthy individuals. If they live longer after retirement, they will have enough health conditions to continue working.
Furthermore
,
people
 should be encouraged in immigration.
As a result
, the labour forces will be expanded which lead to more taxes as well as money. What is more, employers should make financial contributions to retirement funds on behalf of their employees. These funds help sustain old
people
 without putting a strain on the
government
 budget. In conclusion, there are indeed various repercussions regarding
longevity
Add an article
the longevity
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 of retired humans, yet, they can be solved once
according
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toaccording
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 measures are enlisted imperatively.
Submitted by doibichhoa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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