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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #resources #attention #protection #animals #birds
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In recent years the conservation of wildlife
animals
 and
birds
 has become a subject of debate in each part of the world.
Accordingly
, a myriad of people
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
 the idea that the protection of
animals
 and
birds
 has been given inordinate amounts of
resources
 and attention. I completely disagree and believe that even more
resources
 and attention should be spent on saving wild
animals
 and
birds
. Most people think that too much
money
 and
time
 is allocated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 saving
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of
animals
 and
birds
. They argue that
this
 is unnecessary because when different species like dinosaurs and Dodo
birds
 became extinct, they did not bring any serious problems
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the planet.
Thus
, spending
such
 huge amounts of
time
 and
money
 on their protection is actually wasting our precious
resources
 which could in turn be utilized to tackle more serious issues
such
 as deprivation and malnutrition in some African countries to help and protect the
lives
 of poorer people. Having said that, I believe that it is by no means not too much and even more
time
 and
resources
 should be devoted to their preservation. The main reason is that human is responsible for
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 of the dangers that these
animals
 have faced. By illegal poaching and destroying their habitats, we have endangered their
lives
 and it is now our moral and ethical duty to spend as much
time
 and
money
 as needed to rescue these species.
Moreover
, if more and more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wild
animals
 and
birds
 die out, our ecosystem might be severely damaged since our
lives
 are heavily dependent on each other. A recent study has indicated that if bees,
for instance
, became extinct, the whole living world would come to an end within less than three years. These all
clarify
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 why it is important to devote
load
Change the article
a load
show examples
 of
money
 and
time
 to preserve them and that human needs to do even more to save them and their own
lives
 as well. It is true that there are many serious issues which need huge amounts of
money
 and plenty of
resources
, but it does not mean that endangered
animals
 should be sacrificed. By paying more attention to wild species and even
birds
, we can guarantee their existence as well as our own.
Submitted by shahlad on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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