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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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unarguably, today's youth adore modern
athilicts
Correct your spelling
Catholics
 and many take them as a
role
Use synonyms
-model,
although
Linking Words
, these
role
Use synonyms
 models are not perfect and they perhaps should not be selected as someone to follow. When most sportsmen or women tend to use drags and mostly are not educated. I think
this
Linking Words
 trend has more negative sides.
Firstly
Linking Words
, even though the
sports
Use synonyms
celebrities
Use synonyms
 may be famous and successful but
this
Linking Words
 does not mean they have all
credits
Fix the agreement mistake
credit
show examples
 to stay as a
role
Use synonyms
 model for the young generation. Because in many ,cases they may present a person who only cares about money and financial benefits without caring about any moral and ethical behaviour.
In other words
Linking Words
, they tend to earn
an enormous amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
enormous amounts
an enormous amount
show examples
 of money without any help and aid
to
Change preposition
from
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 charity
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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instead
Linking Words
 they like to spend their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 publishing their photos in magazines.
For example
Linking Words
, Chavez as a famous football player used to use huge scope of drugs;
therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 sort of
sports
Use synonyms
stars
Fix the agreement mistake
star
show examples
 may not be a perfect
role
Use synonyms
 model for youth to choose. To resume with, a significant proportion of
sports
Use synonyms
celebrities
Use synonyms
 tend to be uneducated or they have
low
Add an article
a low
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 educational degree, if adolescent follows
their
Change preposition
in their
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 footsteps they may end up empty-handed in the case of failure on their sport-related goals; when
this
Linking Words
 young person would not have a university degree finding a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
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 job in their future will be a hard task for them.
Also
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of proper education for
sports
Use synonyms
celebrities
Use synonyms
 could damage other
celebrities
Use synonyms
 like actors because less educational knowledge may lessen their respect in society. To conclude, I am still convinced that the negative side of choosing
a famous
Change to a genitive case
the face of a famous sport
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 face as a
role
Use synonyms
 model may bring enormous negative impacts on future adults.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
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