IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
It is extensively argued that nuclear
weapons
 are beneficial for the world. I disagree with
this
 notion to a large extent;
however
, the importance of nuclear
weapons
 can be justified, and
therefore
,
this
 disquisition will discuss both sides of
this
 trend with valid reasons.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the start, positioning nuclear
weapons
 enhances the confidence of a nation. To elaborate
this
further
, if a country has nuclear
weapons
, it is less likely to be attacked by other powerful nations; having nuclear arms increases the military
power
 of that nation.
For instance
, Russia, a country which has the
second largest
Add a hyphen
second-largest
show examples
 number of nuclear bombs, is quite safe from the attack of other powerful countries
such
 as the USA,
Canada
Correct word choice
and Canada
show examples
, because of their
power
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 positioning those
weapons
.
By contrast
, nuclear bombs are a great threat
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the peace of our
planet
. To decipher
this
, powerful countries are engaging in a number of wars to exhibit their
power
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the world.
Moreover
, the smallest and
developing
Correct quantifier usage
most developing
show examples
 countries are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
victims of
this
 phenomenon. Recently, Russia attacked Ukraine in order to exhibit
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
power
 towards the masses of our
planet
,
for instance
. Apart from
this
, nuclear
weapons
 destroy not only a place, or a country but
also
 a whole civilization. The attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki are a great example of
this
.
Thus
, it is clear that nuclear arms are a threat
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our civilization as well as our
planet
. To recapitulate, in spite of having the fact nuclear
weapons
 can increase the military ability of a nation and make it safe, I believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can affect our
planet
 adversely to a large extent.
Nevertheless
, people should fulfil their responsibilities in order to keep our
planet
 safe and suitable for living species.
Submitted by md2020 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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