IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
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Public
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that creating
competitive
Add an article
a competitive
show examples
 environment in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
scenaro
Correct your spelling
scenario
 can be fruitful
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the growth of the kids.
However
Linking Words
, Some protagonists opine that mixing nature and sharing qualities are more vital to
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
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 maturely. I
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 think that Children must be nurtured with care and creating
competition
Use synonyms
 among themselves can be deteriorated. At the outset, When the feeling of
competition
Use synonyms
 is raised in
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
, he/she feels stressed.
Tender
Add an article
The tender
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 mind of
child
Add an article
a child
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 can not tolerate that much pressure.
Although
Linking Words
 Healthy
competition
Use synonyms
 can be encouraged.
For instance
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of comparing who will come
first
Linking Words
 in
exam
Add an article
the exam
show examples
, make
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
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 in positive aspects like who has run more
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 or who can avoid cheap meals for more duration. These things will create
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children and will
also
Linking Words
 benefit them in several ways.
On the Contrary
Linking Words
, The Virtues like
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
,empathy,care,sympathy and compassion should be
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
tough
sought
 to the toddlers. The concept of caring and sharing can be introduced to them.
Helping
Change preposition
By helping
show examples
 each other develop magical
sense
Fix the agreement mistake
senses
show examples
 among them, their bonds get stronger. In
their
Change the word
the
show examples
future
Add a comma
,future
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 they become
helpful
Add an article
a helpful
the helpful
show examples
 and caring
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Negative aspects like jealousy and disgust do not arise in them. To conclude,
Competition
Use synonyms
 if healthy can be raised but not all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Aiding quality is more beneficial in children. I strongly condemn unhealthy
competition
Use synonyms
 and favour
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of co-operation.
Submitted by rohanmehta2477 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
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