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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is becoming increasingly common for men to play a role in taking care of children at home,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 take responsibility for having a full-time job and supporting families financially.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people have diverse perspectives
about
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 these issues, and I am personally in
favor
Change the spelling
favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 of the phenomenon. With the advancements and translation in society and tradition in certain nations, there are some privileges that used to belong to men that have been
canceled
Change the spelling
cancelled

The spelling of canceled is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 or even naturally disappeared.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the early times in Taiwan, only boys had the right to education
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 gender, discrimination, and all the education that routed deeply in people’s minds,
in other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 were considered the symbol of well-behaved and modest and even better with limited knowledge and narrow thinking for the purpose of being a qualified wife or daughter in law.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 doing housing and servicing the husband never required those abilities or characteristics. Nowadays, pernicious and old-fashioned ideas no longer exist, and even there is a growing awareness of the equality of gender can be seen around the world. The
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who are fashionable mothers and office ladies with successful businesses simultaneously can be spotted everywhere. Undoubtedly, it has a positive effect on independence and freedom for
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

; they can choose whatever rules they want to be whether it’s a mother wife, or just themselves what’s more it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 helps balance the burden of both men and
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in families which doesn’t rely on only want to earn money or deal with house chores.

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task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples to support your points, which can help in illustrating your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main arguments discussed. Reinforcing these in your conclusion can strengthen cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different arguments or aspects of your response for an improved logical structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question, discussing reasons why more men are staying at home and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear position in favor of the trend, demonstrating a comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The transition from traditional gender roles to modern egalitarian perspectives is well-explained, showing a deep understanding of societal changes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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