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Band 3

Some say that because many people are living much longer , the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
Human beings are born to enjoy
life
 apart from work and die eventually. Some individuals are of the opinion that since the average age of
people
 has increased and they tend to live for a long duration the evacuation
life
 at the workplace should be increased. I,
however
, disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the suggested view. Some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 think that the pullout youth should be raised. Because there is always a need for workers with great experience,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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most
people
 of retirement age are masters of their craft.
However
, long
life
 expectancy does not mean high productivity. Because after the age of 60 a person suffers from various chronic diseases, less reaction, disease leaves, which has a great impact on productivity.
Secondly
, for many
people
 evacuation is the beginning of a new
life
 with less pressure and more entertainment when
people
 want to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their lifelong dreams . Because they were busy with work all their lives and didn’t spend time on their dreams. Retirement is a great time to make that happen. In conclusion,
although
 it works for a few I believe that our birth is not just for work but to enjoy the beauty of activity.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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