Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it?

Researches state that
kids
nowadays prefer to invest their
time
watching
TV
rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
doing creative
activities
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the principal cause of
this
problem is that watching
TV
is a form of entertainment that does not require much effort
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while doing other
activities
is much harder. Because young people are not enough motivated to commit
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
some hobbies they spend more
time
behind a
TV
screen. How young
kids
full of energy do not get bored watching
tv
? There are many answers to
this
question,
however
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
show examples
the main reason is that nowadays
kids
are more lonely than in the past. When young people spend the majority of their
time
on their own they will not try new
activities
because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of inspiration,
also
children need to share their interests with someone in order to find the motivation to spend more
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
those
activities
. Are strict controls an effective way to remove
kids
from the screen?
no
Add the punctuation
,no
show examples
they are not. to make
kids
invest more
time
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
creative hobbies we need to convince them that there are better ways to spend their
time
.
First
of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
parents play a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
solving
this
problem. They need to spend more
time
with
kids
and try with them different creative things in order to give children inspiration. Later
on
Add a comma
,on
show examples
teenagers need to find a community with a common interest to hang out with, in
this
way they will not even have
time
to spend watching
tv
. Children spend more
time
watching
TV
because they are alone and bored and
this
activity becomes a coping mechanism,
however
an efficient method to end
this
behaviour is to encourage them in trying new things making sure that they are not left alone.
Submitted by 2000amendola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: