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Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it?

#studies #children #time #tv #case #measures #methods
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Researches state that
kids
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 nowadays prefer to invest their
time
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 watching
TV
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 rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
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 doing creative
activities
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. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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 the principal cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is that watching
TV
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 is a form of entertainment that does not require much effort
,
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apply
show examples
 while doing other
activities
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 is much harder. Because young people are not enough motivated to commit
in
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to
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 some hobbies they spend more
time
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 behind a
TV
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 screen. How young
kids
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 full of energy do not get bored watching
tv
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? There are many answers to
this
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 question,
however
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in my opinion
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, in my opinion,
show examples
 the main reason is that nowadays
kids
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 are more lonely than in the past. When young people spend the majority of their
time
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 on their own they will not try new
activities
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of inspiration,
also
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 children need to share their interests with someone in order to find the motivation to spend more
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
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in
Change preposition
on
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 those
activities
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. Are strict controls an effective way to remove
kids
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 from the screen?
no
Add the punctuation
,no
show examples
 they are not. to make
kids
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 invest more
time
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with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 creative hobbies we need to convince them that there are better ways to spend their
time
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.
First
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 of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 parents play a crucial role
for
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in
show examples
 solving
this
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 problem. They need to spend more
time
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 with
kids
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 and try with them different creative things in order to give children inspiration. Later
on
Add a comma
,on
show examples
 teenagers need to find a community with a common interest to hang out with, in
this
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 way they will not even have
time
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 to spend watching
tv
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. Children spend more
time
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 watching
TV
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 because they are alone and bored and
this
Linking Words
 activity becomes a coping mechanism,
however
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 an efficient method to end
this
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 behaviour is to encourage them in trying new things making sure that they are not left alone.
Submitted by 2000amendola on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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