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Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it?

#studies #children #time #tv #case #measures #methods
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Researches state that
kids
 nowadays prefer to invest their
time
 watching
TV
 rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 doing creative
activities
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the principal cause of
this
 problem is that watching
TV
 is a form of entertainment that does not require much effort
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while doing other
activities
 is much harder. Because young people are not enough motivated to commit
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some hobbies they spend more
time
 behind a
TV
 screen. How young
kids
 full of energy do not get bored watching
tv
? There are many answers to
this
 question,
however
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
show examples
 the main reason is that nowadays
kids
 are more lonely than in the past. When young people spend the majority of their
time
 on their own they will not try new
activities
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of inspiration,
also
 children need to share their interests with someone in order to find the motivation to spend more
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those
activities
. Are strict controls an effective way to remove
kids
 from the screen?
no
Add the punctuation
,no
show examples
 they are not. to make
kids
 invest more
time
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 creative hobbies we need to convince them that there are better ways to spend their
time
.
First
 of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 parents play a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 solving
this
 problem. They need to spend more
time
 with
kids
 and try with them different creative things in order to give children inspiration. Later
on
Add a comma
,on
show examples
 teenagers need to find a community with a common interest to hang out with, in
this
 way they will not even have
time
 to spend watching
tv
. Children spend more
time
 watching
TV
 because they are alone and bored and
this
 activity becomes a coping mechanism,
however
 an efficient method to end
this
 behaviour is to encourage them in trying new things making sure that they are not left alone.
Submitted by 2000amendola on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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