IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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As
life
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the life
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 expectancy of the general population extends, some propose the age for retirement should be postponed correspondingly. In my opinion, I do not concur
to
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with
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this
Linking Words
 statement, after considering both individual and social
prospectives
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prospects
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, because I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Continuing to work when one is aged can pose several problems. While some people believe working can maintain one's activity level and cognitive function, it is foreseeable that some employments impose a heavy load and stress
to
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on
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elderly
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the elderly
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. When a human body has been functioning for over fifty years, there are bound to be some "ailments" which require medical attention and care,
such
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 as pain syndromes, concentration problems,
osteoporsis
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osteoporosis
Parkinsons
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Parkinsons'
Parkinson's
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 Disease and Dementia. Forcing mature seniors to continue
work
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working
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 in
labour intensive
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labour-intensive
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 duties
such
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 as
Fireman
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firemen
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 and Policemen would be
disrespect
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disrespectful
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.
Thus
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, it is unwise to extend the age of ceasing employment to citizens.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, delaying retirement can lead to social problems. With mature employees high up in the hierarchy for extended years, the movement up a career ladder would be much slower for juniors. Job opportunities for graduates and other younger ones in the institution would be reduced, leading to
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a rise
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rise
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rising
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 in
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unemployment
unemployement
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the unemployement
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 rate in
the
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apply
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society. If,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, retirement
take
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takes
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 place earlier,
this
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 would free adequate positions and allow freshers to start their career, which, in turn, casts a positive impact
the
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on the
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 community's productivity and economy. In conclusion, my view is that lengthening of lifespan does not imply a need to postpone the age for work withdrawal because of both individual health constraints and
effect
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the effect
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 on job opportunities.
Submitted by ichtsang on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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