IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
nWith the economical and technological growth, the competition among companies has been raised to a high level. Many
people
Use synonyms
 live in a fast-paced environment and often
work
Use synonyms
 overtime, those
people
Use synonyms
 maybe are making a decent salary but have little
time
Use synonyms
 to relax . In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 situation has more harm than good from both personal and society's perspectives.
First
Linking Words
, a high compensation surely can improve
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 quality, but some of the important parts of
life
Use synonyms
 require
time
Use synonyms
 rather than money to build.
For example
Linking Words
,to have good physical health,
people
Use synonyms
 need to commit
time
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 out and outdoor activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in order to develop a great family, they need all sorts of events that they spend
time
Use synonyms
 together. Most significantly, if they have little interactions with their kids, can cause damage to their kids' mental health, which is very difficult to fix with money. True personal success in
life
Use synonyms
 cannot happen with bad health and poor relationship with the family.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should rethink and pursue a
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
 balance
life
Use synonyms
. As for sociality, sustainable economic growth requires a high consumer purchasing power. Citizens need to have
time
Use synonyms
 to spend the money they made, especially in the entertainment department.
Moreover
Linking Words
, innovation and creation cannot happen if there are not diversified demands from the working class,
people
Use synonyms
 taking more
time
Use synonyms
 for various leisure activities are actually helping the economy. In conclusion, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 has benefits for neither individuals nor society. The government must pass laws and regulations to prevent companies overload
work
Use synonyms
 to their employees. On the other side, workers should put a reasonable amount into both
work
Use synonyms
 and personal
life
Use synonyms
, which are the foundation of their well-being in the long run.
Submitted by hejp009 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: