IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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There is a saying by some
people
Use synonyms
, that the main way to be happy in
life
Use synonyms
 is to have a lot of
money
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. Being rich indeed enables individuals to buy many
things
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 that lead to happiness, but there are a few other important
things
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 in
life
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 does not require
money
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.
First
Linking Words
, in the modern developed society, all kinds of goods and services can be brought with
money
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.
For example
Linking Words
, millionaires who live in big houses and drive fancy cars surely have higher
life
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 quality.
Although
Linking Words
 there is an argument that whether health can be brought, wealthy
people
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 can have more advanced medical care and a healthier diet. Most significantly, having no worry about
money
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 provides
people
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 with a sense of security and freedom, they are happier if they do not have to work and choose to do
things
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 they are actually interested in.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are some important aspects of
life
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 where
money
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 is irrelevant and having a purpose in
life
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 is one of them. By doing
things
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 daily that serve their purpose,
people
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 feel their
life
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 is meaningful.
For instance
Linking Words
, helping others, rich
people
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 can do charities but anyone can volunteer their time to the community. Another thing that can make
people
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 happy and requires little
money
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 is to do physical exercise,
people
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 not only feel better after working out and will have a healthier body. In conclusion, being wealthy can have access to lots of
things
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 that are related to happiness, but there are some improvements that can be made with little
money
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hejp009 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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