In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, since we are living in
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a rapidly developing world, our ways of
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

been gradually diversified
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
over the years, and shopping mall is one of them. When it comes to shopping
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers

It seems that center may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, it is not just about going there to buy things we want anymore. People now can have fun and be entertained at the shopping mall.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can bring many benefits, but obviously, coming with them are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

disadvantages. Before arriving
to
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a logical conclusion, I am going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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both sides of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue. First of all, speaking of advantages, when coming to a shopping mall for
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, we have many choices
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
there.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, malls have many
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

services like cinemas, restaurants, café, bowling alleys, etc. Sometimes, you can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

combine these ways, it is even more convenient. After watching a movie, you can find a coffee shop or a restaurant to sit down and talk about the movie without taking
time
Correct article usage
the time

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
to go anywhere else.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we don’t need to go shopping in person anymore because more and more shopping websites and apps have been put on the market. For online shopping, you can buy things as many as you want, and with just one click, all of your items will be delivered to your house. There
is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb form is does not seem to agree with the plural subject no more long lines of people. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
no more long lines of people at the checkout or carrying heavy bags to your house.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is not always good to go shopping online. Sometimes, the quality of the products is not as good as you expected. When that thing
happen
Change the verb form
happens

The plural verb happen does not appear to agree with the singular subject that thing. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
, returning the defective item can waste your time and cause other problems.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, going shopping is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a way of
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Meeting friends and going shopping can happen at the same time. In conclusion, whether it is shopping in person or online shopping, each of them has its good and bad things.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe any change in the future has two sides and is a part of the contribution to
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be developed further to provide a stronger and clearer framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, but the introduction and conclusion could be more detailed and engaging. The main points are supported, but some examples lack depth and clarity.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but could benefit from a more explicit position on the issue. More developed, specific examples would enhance the depth of the response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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