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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #crimes #adults
In recent years, the number of young
criminals
 is increasing rapidly. Some people think that it should be treated
similarly
 between young people and adults who engage in criminal activities. I completely agree with
this
 view.
Firstly
, punishment is necessary for everyone, the youth is no exception. It is extremely important to protect safety and security in every nation. If children are not punished,
this
 could make them think and act more irresponsibly knowing that they do not have to face severe consequences.
In addition
, they
also
 may become a tool for youth
crimes
in particular
 situations.
For example
, with some minor
crimes
such
 as shoplifting or pickpocketing, juvenile
criminals
 know that they can avoid receiving prison sentences and
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 they just have to attend some rehabilitation programs.
That is
 why these criminal activities are
repeatedly
Replace the word
repeated
show examples
.
Secondly
, the main reason for
rising
Replace the word
the rise
show examples
 of juvenile
criminals
 is because of the lack of care from parents. Some parents think that their children are
so
Rephrase
too
show examples
 young to become into
crimes
 or pose a serious threat to society
as well as
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
 their
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
. Appropriate punishments for youth
crimes
 will help parents look back and take care of their children.
Moreover
, youngsters are the main labour resource in each country, and directing them to follow ethical standards may help them gain good performance and avoid traps in the future. In conclusion,
although
 I admit that young offenders should be forgiven for some minor
crimes
, I still strongly believe that they should be punished
similarly
 to adult
criminals
.
Submitted by anhvuqsk on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay are directly relevant to the task question and fully address all parts of the prompt. Provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
cohesion and coherence
Use cohesive devices such as transition words, pronouns, and conjunctions to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that are well-structured and logically connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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