Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #crimes #adults

In recent years, the number of young

criminals

is increasing rapidly. Some people think that it should be treated

similarly

between young people and adults who engage in criminal activities. I completely agree with

this

view.

Firstly

, punishment is necessary for everyone, the youth is no exception. It is extremely important to protect safety and security in every nation. If children are not punished,

this

could make them think and act more irresponsibly knowing that they do not have to face severe consequences.

In addition

, they

also

may become a tool for youth

crimes

in particular

situations.

For example

, with some minor

crimes

such

as shoplifting or pickpocketing, juvenile

criminals

know that they can avoid receiving prison sentences and

instead

Add a comma

instead,

show examples

they just have to attend some rehabilitation programs.

That is

why these criminal activities are

repeatedly

Replace the word

repeated

show examples

Secondly

, the main reason for

rising

Replace the word

the rise

show examples

of juvenile

criminals

is because of the lack of care from parents. Some parents think that their children are

Rephrase

too

show examples

young to become into

crimes

or pose a serious threat to society

as well as

forgot

Wrong verb form

forget

show examples

their

responsibility

Fix the agreement mistake

responsibilities

show examples

. Appropriate punishments for youth

crimes

will help parents look back and take care of their children.

Moreover

, youngsters are the main labour resource in each country, and directing them to follow ethical standards may help them gain good performance and avoid traps in the future. In conclusion,

although

I admit that young offenders should be forgiven for some minor

crimes

, I still strongly believe that they should be punished

similarly

to adult

criminals

Submitted by anhvuqsk on Wed May 25 2022

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task response

Ensure that all parts of the essay are directly relevant to the task question and fully address all parts of the prompt. Provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples and explanations.

cohesion and coherence

Use cohesive devices such as transition words, pronouns, and conjunctions to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that are well-structured and logically connected.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree

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