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Band 3.5

hese days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#hese #people #money #tickets #events #development
Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 have many ways to watch their favourite games,
such
 as watching the
lives
 stream from the internet at their home or sitting beside the court to watch the
lives
 game by themselves. I personally think
this
 is a positive development in the
sports
business
, and the following paragraphs will be examined the supportive reasons from my view in detail.
People
 have many ways to watch their favourite games, and watching their games
besides
 the field is one of their dreams too. Some
people
 spend their
savings
Replace the word
saved
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 money to buy a ticket for only one
lives
Change the noun form
life
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 game.
Moreover
, income from selling the tickets can be used to improve the
sports
business
,
such
 as renovating the stadiums or rewarding the players who have good performance.
In addition
, all of the tickets that had been sold had to pay the tax to the government. That means the cities have been developed for another step not only the
sports
business
 has been improved. In conclusion, the money that
people
 spend on
lives
sports
 tickets has benefits
to
Change preposition
for
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Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of the
sports
business
 and others. The main reasons are directly improving
sports
business
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and can improve the cities are the team or
sports
 events located.
Submitted by detch2543 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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