Some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom

Nowadays people believe that children of the current generation enjoy much more

freedom

than required, which has changed the behaviour of youngsters.

While

some argue that it has a negative impact

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I partially agree as

freedom

also

required for a

child

's development. To explain my view, I will be discussing the pros and cons in

this

essay. The foremost advantage of

freedom

is that kids become more independent in

life

. As

freedom

gives them the levy to enjoy their own choices which helps them to become more confident.

For instance

, when a

child

has the

freedom

to make their

decisions

Correct word choice

own decisions

show examples

in studies or other curricular activities, they become more successful in

life

as they involve themselves with full joy.

Moreover

, folks learn new things by experimenting in their daily

life

Thus

, adequate

freedom

given by parents helps in the

child

's growth and makes them self-sufficient. On

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

hand, excess of everything is bad. When a

child

is given unnecessary

freedom

life

they will become disobedient, arrogant, etc. With zero restriction a

child

easily gets influenced by bad things.

For example

, when parents don't keep an eye on what kind of content a youngster is watching, in

such

cases

Add a comma

cases,

show examples

kids mostly watch inappropriate videos which hamper their behaviour and pollute their minds with negative stuff.

Thus

, enough

freedom

can damage a

child

's mental health

due to

which they misbehave with everyone.

To conclude

, though

freedom

enables children to become more confident, and independent in

life

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

excess of it can badly affect their behaviour and growth. So, I strongly believe that parents must give space to their kids but in an adequate manner.

Submitted by mile.jasmeenkaur12 on Wed May 25 2022

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task response

Your essay contains relevant points but lacks depth in your examples. Try to provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay in a coherent manner, but your essay lacks connectivity between some ideas leading to a lower score. Try to use cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

You have recently moved to a new company and you want to write to the manager.In your letter. •Introduce yourself •mention what you have done since you moved to the company •and ask to meet the manager to discuss your needs and concerns.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

the plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today