With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers

Nowadays, More countries will become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

senior

societies

Correct the article-noun agreement

society

show examples

. There are opinions that today's health care should care for more and more elderly

people

. In my opinion, I totally agree with your opinion and I will explain how can it be managed in the following paragraphs.

Firstly

, Elderly peoples work to

serving

Wrong verb form

serve

show examples

nations and raise

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

when

them

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

as adults.

Consequently

, The states should have welfare as rights and rewards

given

Add the auxiliary verb

are given

show examples

back to elderly

people

Moreover

, In economic aspects, Peoples work and pay a tax to the state because they expect that they can get back welfare from the government to protect them from starvation and disease when they will be elderly

citizens

. So, I feel that society should participate to deal with the increase in senior

citizens

today. To manage public policy,

Firstly

, Government must have

Add an article

a statistic

show examples

statistic

Fix the agreement mistake

statistics

show examples

to analyse data populations.

For example

, Analysis of the trend of elderly

citizens

will increase

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

year and the following year as a percentage in order to prepare,

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

fund and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

support.

Secondly

, Government should prepare suitable public transport for elderly

citizens

. The main concept is comfortable

such

as all metro stations must have an elevator from the ground floor to buy tickets floor and to the platform floor.

Moreover

, Some cities

such

as Bangkok must improve the footpath/ zebra crossing in concept universal design in order to reduce accidents. In conclusion, Governments should improve facilities and gain the welfare of senior

citizens

However

, Children in the family should take care of elderly

people

in the family because we can make

physical

Correct article usage

the physical

show examples

and mental health

for

Change preposition

show examples

senior

people

from love in the family.

Submitted by first.kantapat on Thu May 26 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A rise in the use of mobile phones in the classroom by school children is severely impacting their concentration in class and overall education development. What are the causes of the problem and what can be done to solve it ?

The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

Task 2: More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are done by robots. Is this a positive or negative development?