IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people work for the same company or organisation during their whole working life,while other say that it is better to work for different companies and organisations. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is undeniable that jobs are a topic
that is
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 frequently debated.
While
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 some people prefer sticking to the same organisation for their entire working life, others tend to work for various organisations.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion. On the one hand, some individuals feel comfortable working for the same company. As their current
job
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 provides them with a stable income, they do not feel the need to change it.
Therefore
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, they are more likely to stay where they are.
Additionally
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, moving to another
job
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 can feel quite risky, especially for workers who have a family.
For example
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, if a person wants to change their
job
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, they will not only risk themselves but
also
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 their entire family, which can be a very difficult decision to make.
On the other hand
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, working for multiple companies can bring lots of insights to the worker. It is possible to say that they would be able to obtain valuable experience, which is significantly needed for today's competitive market.
This
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 can make them even more competitive
to
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than
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 other workers, as employers look for
such
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 employees who have diverse experiences.
Moreover
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,
such
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 a trend helps considerably to gain high profits.
For example
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, when an individual works for many companies, they are more likely to adapt to changing environments.
Besides
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 having lots of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 from their previous
jobs
Punctuation problem
jobs,
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 makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 valuable to certain organisations;
consequently
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, they have a big chance to obtain higher incomes. In conclusion,
although
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 remaining at the same
job
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 is convenient and more peaceful, I firmly believe that working for several organisations is the best for more brighter and successful career.

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grammar
Fix grammar and small word use. Make verbs and plurals right.
coherence
Make ideas flow smoother. Use linking words and short signs to lead the reader.
content
Give more clear facts and simple examples to back up each point.
lexical
Keep sentences short. Use plain words and clear meaning.
structure
End with a strong restate of view.
task response
Clear view of two sides and a clear opinion.
coherence
Use of sign posts 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' is good.
structure
Introduction and conclusion present.
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