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Writing Samples
Band 4

There are many different types of music in the world today,why do we need music, is the traditional music of a country more important than the in international music that is heard everywhere

#music #world #country
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Nowadays,
different
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a different
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 genre of
music
Use synonyms
 existed Globally and has played an important role in our life. Some people are of the opinion that local
music
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 of a nation is more essential when compared to western
music
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that is
Linking Words
 heard all over and I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion as it propagates culture and
maintain
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maintains
show examples
 the history of a
country
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.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 one hand,
music
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 is being defined by some scholars as a medicine
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
souls
Fix the agreement mistake
soul
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, it plays an important role in
mind
Replace the word
mental
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 relaxation and can as well be used to relieve depression
symptons
Correct your spelling
symptoms
. Take
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 instance, a research that was recently carried out by undergraduates of
Neuropsychiatric
Correct article usage
a Neuropsychiatric
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 teaching hospital located
at
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in
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 Lagos,
found
Correct pronoun usage
which found
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 out that a schizophrenic patient that suffers from depression,had a temporary
relieve
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relief
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 from his ailment as he
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
has shown
show examples
 signs of being elevated in his mood after listening to
music
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.
Furthermore
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,
music
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also
Linking Words
 serves as diversional therapy for an individual
that is
Linking Words
 experiencing excruciating pain. Through listening to
music
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,the nerves are calmed thereby taking away the feeling of pain momentarily.
On the other hand
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,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 of a
country
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 is paramount as it serves as
avenue
Add an article
an avenue
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 through which
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 of a
country
Use synonyms
 is being handed down from generation to generation.
For example
Linking Words
,each tribe in Nigeria
hausa
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Hausa
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,
igbo
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Igbo
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 and
yoruba
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Yoruba
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 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
different type of
music
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 that showcase their culture and norms that the youngsters can listen
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 adhere to without being taught formally in a school setting.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the history of a
country
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be maintained via
music
Use synonyms
 because
music
Use synonyms
 never dies,any information that was
diseminated
Correct your spelling
disseminated
 or
learning
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
incalcated
Correct your spelling
inculcated
 using
music
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
tends to live on
likewise
Linking Words
,the history of a nation when propagated through
music
Use synonyms
. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 played an important role in our lives,I believe
folks
Change noun form
folks'
folk's
show examples
music
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more beneficial than western
music
Use synonyms
. 320 words
Submitted by agozie2018 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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