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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that it is better to promote healthy lifestyles than spend so much money to treat obese people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lifestyles #money
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Obesity is one of the most concerning problems of
this
 decade, impacting millions of millions of
people
 all across the world. In
this
 sense, certain individuals believe that it is a much more pragmatic solution to overcome obesity by promoting healthy life habits
instead
 of incurring heavy expenses on surgeries and drug usage. I firmly hold the view that though there is a limit that a healthy lifestyle can influence an ill body, it is the best decision yet to address
this
 growing concern. On the one hand, there is a famous saying that a healthy mind comes from a healthy body. What I believe is that
people
 can easily be motivated and disciplined by watching an idol whom they could resonate with by practising self-acceptance and being who they really are. To illustrate, professional athletes like David Goggins and Andrew Tate always encourage their fans to eat healthy food and pursue a disciplined exercise routine to reach their pinnacle rather than being couch potatoes at home playing video games all day. As of now, millions of
people
 follow their social media accounts and they continue to radiate their positive messages so that their followers can develop an ever-lasting healthy mindset.
On the other hand
,
although
 some
people
 are constantly subjected to promotional videos that display the merits of health-conscious living, they continue to eat junk food and reject any form of physical workout. It goes without saying that occasionally, overweight problems can be more than a disorder, more like a disease that hinders
people
 from becoming healthy and compels them to constantly put on excess weight. Consequentially, a surgical action becomes unavoidable to save the patients' lives.
However
,
this
 operation is utterly perilous and is notorious for being one of the leading reasons for stomach cancer. In conclusion, as much as surgery seems a faster and less demanding option to drop excess pounds, propagating good health practices is more economically viable and can reach multiple
people
 in a shorter period of time, making it a dominant option to select.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed, not just mentioned. Use cohesive devices to enhance the connectivity between ideas, and maintain clarity throughout the essay.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task more evenly and develop each idea fully. Include a balanced argument when the essay requires it and ensure examples are directly related to your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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