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Band 4.5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #first #child #age
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to have their
first
Linking Words
 child at
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 younger
age
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. While it is true that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they could prepare better for their kids, I believe that it could
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 several disadvantages. There are many reasons why a lot of couples choose to have their
first
Linking Words
 kid at an older
age
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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 tend to get married late. Nowadays, with the development of society, the workload requires
people
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focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
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 on work more than pay attention to other things.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they do not have enough time for themselves to think about getting married and having
children
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. If they get married, having
children
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 later could help them arrange jobs more stable before worrying about their families.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having a baby too soon could be an economic burden for families. For
excample
Correct your spelling
example
,
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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a
Change the article
an
show examples
 infant until adulthood costs a lot of money,
such
Linking Words
 as
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of living, tuition when
children
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 go to school, and so on.
As a result
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, many young kids because
their
Change preposition
of their
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families
Change noun form
family's
families'
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 economic cannot enjoy enough education. In my
opinions
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opinion
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, there would be more disadvantages than advantages when
people
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 choose to have their
first
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 child at an old
age
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.
Firstly
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, giving birth
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
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old
age
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 would be dangerous for the mother and the
children
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. The older
people
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 get, the weaker their health becomes, pregnant women often suffer a lot of problems during pregnancy.
As a result
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, just a little
carelesness
Correct your spelling
carelessness
careless
 could lead to death.
Secondly
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, lat pregnancy could increase the risk of birth defects. The endocrine disorder in the mother’s body is the main cause of
this
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 problem.
Therefore
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, deformed
children
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 would feel self-conscious about themselves in the future. In conclusion, there are many reasons for couples to choose
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 a baby late, but I believe that they
also
Linking Words
 have to consider the consequences of making that decision.
Submitted by Eteacher on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
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