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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
I do not agree with
this
 notion that the number of enrolled males and females in every field is supposed to be equal. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there is no difference between
men
 and
women
 to some extent, but there are some physical and
gender related
Add a hyphen
gender-related
show examples
 differences between
men
 and
women
, and
also
 sociological
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 sometimes make a
gender
 work or study in a field more than do the other one. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I am going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
my reasons comprehensively.
First
, I start with
gender related
Add a hyphen
gender-related
show examples
 differences to clarify why I think that some fields are better for a special
gender
. Beyond the shadow of a
doubt
Add a comma
,doubt
show examples
men
’s physical power and the level of tolerance are more than females.
On the other hand
,
women
’s kindness and motherhood sensation are far more than
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
,
also
this
 matter is not always the case, but
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I think the more the level of kindness and motherhood sensation is, the more the hardship of doing physical power demanding and harsh jobs will be.
Therefore
, it would be easier for a man to do harsh occupations
such
 as mining, and for a woman to do emotional and care demanding jobs like babysitting. Another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my beliefs is the
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 situation. From the beginning of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
history
Add a comma
,history
show examples
 what did stand for
men
 to do hunting and
women
 to stay home and look after children
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 their physical differences
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Nowadays in spite of human progresses, and
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
show examples
 of
the rights equality
Change to a genitive case
the equality of the rights
the equality of the right
show examples
 between
women
 and
men
 not only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the situation of
women
 in the society not been changed remarkably
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 in some Muslim countries like
Afghanistan
Add a comma
,Afghanistan
show examples
 we can see a number of limitations for
women
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 voting right, driving, going abroad freely, their clothing
cods
Correct your spelling
codes
costs
 and so on.
Therefore
, I think that universities ought to see their abilities and facilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and have the potency to predict their
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 capabilities and needs so that they can decide how many should be the number of
men
 and
women
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will enter annually to the universities in special fields.
Submitted by onerepublic73 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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