Nowadays people get married and have their kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society?

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Together with
Linking Words
the world and technological advancement,
people
Use synonyms
are getting busier than before. In my personal opinion, women were asked to stay at home rather than be at work. Now,
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
is not the case anymore. A majority of men and women are working to support their living costs. Indirectly making
people
Use synonyms
start their married life a bit later than before. In
this
Linking Words
context, as a part of the younger generations, I have to agree that these situations will benefit society. I believe
people
Use synonyms
nowadays
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
their married life and have their kids in their thirties as they want to secure financial stability.
For example
Linking Words
, the commitment of a household is getting higher, and the rent of an apartment can reach up to 800 pounds in the United Kingdom, generally. When they have proper accommodation, they will have better general well- beings and
this
Linking Words
will profoundly improve mental health. Mental health is a very important factor
to grow
Change preposition
in growing
show examples
a happy society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that age is an important factor IN maturity. Mature parents usually have higher Emotional Intelligence (EQ)which can help in reducing the failure of parenting. They will help in managing life crises
as well as
Linking Words
be more experienced in handling
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, these factors are seen to be a factor why at these ages, the divorce rates are lower than the youngsters. In a nutshell, I strongly agree that the marriages that happen in the thirties will greatly benefit society more than ones that happen younger. After all, all marriages
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
a happy one and vice versa.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring your introduction for clarity. Start with a brief overview of the trend before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify the link between financial stability and the timing of marriage in your arguments for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use more connecting phrases and transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and provide supporting points, which is essential in task achievement.
task achievement
Your use of examples such as rental costs adds depth to your arguments, making them more relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • emotional maturity
  • secure upbringing
  • career prospects
  • education and career development
  • lifetime earnings
  • job satisfaction
  • health outcomes
  • demographic shift
  • population growth
  • ageing population
  • parental preparedness
  • responsibilities of parenting
  • modern healthcare
  • capable of having healthy pregnancies
  • balancing population growth
  • establish careers
  • save money
  • healthier relationships
  • better parenting
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