Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, technology has improved significantly, making our lives more convenient. People are able to
work
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remotely in other places. I believe that the advantages are more important than the drawbacks. On the one hand, working from home or in other areas rather than in the office can have some benefits. First of all, because of advanced technology,
employees
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can move to the countryside or foreign countries and
work
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there. They have a chance to enjoy different lifestyles and improve their mental well-being.
For example
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, the countryside always provides a calming environment and an opportunity to escape from the busy city life, letting people feel relaxed and recharge.
In addition
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, workers can save plenty of time in commuting because they do not have to be stuck on the road or transfer between numerous public transportation services.
Hence
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, I consider that these positive effects can promote individuals' living quality.
On the other hand
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, some critics and employers may argue that if
employees
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do not
work
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at the office, they would not be productive because they would definitely be distracted by other interesting things,
such
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as video games, social media, and movies.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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perspective since people cannot fully concentrate on their jobs in the office either.
Employees
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may gather in
a
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apply
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small
group
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groups
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to chat with each other. To be more specific, they may
work
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efficiently at home because they can organise their time based on their thoughts
instead
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of their supervisors' orders. In conclusion,
employees
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who
work
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remotely can experience different lifestyles and improve their mental health.
Furthermore
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, they can complete tasks quickly, compared with working in the workplace.
Hence
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, I contend that
this
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working method has more benefits than negative consequences.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments, particularly in addressing potential distractions when working remotely.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully developed and explained to strengthen your argument. While your points are clear, some could benefit from deeper analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words such as 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast' to enhance the flow of your essay and make transitions between ideas smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repeating phrases or words too often. Instead of saying 'working from home' multiple times, use synonyms or paraphrases to maintain variety.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear topic sentences and a good flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
You provided thoughtful insights into the benefits of remote work, particularly in terms of mental well-being, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexible hours
  • work-life balance
  • cost-efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • virtual collaboration
  • isolation
  • team cohesion
  • performance monitoring
  • accountability
  • hybrid working model
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