IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have recently ordered an item from the internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company. In your letter •Describe what you purchased •Explain why you are not happy with the purchase •Tell them what you would like them to do about the situation

#item #internet #purchase #company #•describe #•explain #•tell #situation
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Dear Sir, I am writing to
request
Verb problem
inform
show examples
 you that I am not happy to purchase the item from your company. The product was a diamond ring.
Last
 Monday, I bought a diamond ring for my wife to give on her birthday from your Amazon site through the Internet. The shape and diamond on the ring were extremely shining in the picture.
However
, I was not joyful when I originally saw that looks like a duplicate. The shape of the ring was very tiny. It did not perfectly fit on the finger of a wife. The price of the ring was remarkably high. I spent 600$ but It never reached my expectations. So, I would recommend you change the ring picture on the Internet and show exactly the looks of the ring.
Moreover
, I would like to return the ring and get back my money. Looking forward to hearing from you Sincerely, John
Submitted by jeetsarb1481965 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your letter, consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills.
Task Achievement
While your task achievement is commendable, providing more specific details about why the product did not meet expectations could further strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively communicated your dissatisfaction and clear reasons for it, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your letter follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow your explanations and requests.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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