IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health
It is being opined by many
people
 that
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in big
cities
 is not conducive for
people
's fitness. I agree with
this
 notion because metro
cities
 have issues like
pollution
 and limited resources which can make
people
 unhealthy.
This
 essay will delve deeper into these points in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
pollution
 is the foremost factor that can have bad
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on
people
's
health
 in big
cities
. To clarify, air
pollution
 in huge
cities
 is quite easy to observe and gasses
such
 as Carbon Dioxide and Carbon monoxide can harm the proper working of many essential organs like
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
 and lungs.
For instance
, the air quality in New Delhi, the capital of India, is too bad to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
.
Moreover
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of trees can increase the magnitude of
pollution
 in big
cities
 which ultimately can cause the least amount of oxygen in
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
.
Hence
, the
health
 of residents of big
cities
 can face serious
health
 issues because of these factors.
Furthermore
, big
cities
 have
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 supply of resources which can negatively impact the standards of the
people
’s
health
 in huge
cities
. To explain,
timely
Correct article usage
a timely
show examples
 water supply can hinder
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 from cleaning their houses and drinking unhygienic water which can cause various
health
 diseases.
In addition
,
such
 problems require a good medical system;
however
, in big
cities
 due to overpopulation,
this
 system has a lot of pressure.
Hence
, due to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of medical services, residents of metro
cities
 may not get adequate treatment
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their problems which results in a bad impact on their
health
. A survey conducted by Oxford University in March
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2015 revealed that 55%
people
 of
big
Change preposition
in big
show examples
cities
 had been facing serious
health
 issues since there was a considerable shortage of medical services in
such
cities
. To conclude, it is unequivocal that due to environmental and social factors in big
cities
, the level of fitness among the residents of
such
cities
 is deteriorating and I agree with
this
 notion completely.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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