Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution

It is believed that governments should invest in cutting environmental pollution and housing

issues

in order to prevent

health

problems

. I stay neutral about

this

assertion for several reasons. On the one hand, focusing on environmental pollution and housing

problems

is beneficial to mitigate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

illness and disease among people. Indeed, coping op with environmental

issues

helps to create a fresh atmosphere and a trustful source of food and water which both have an essential role in maintaining good

health

Moreover

, providing accommodation for citizens will give them comfortable living conditions which alleviates the chance of widespread plagues and infections.

Therefore

, take measures on

problems

associated with the environment and housing in favour of reducing

health

issues

in society.

On the other hand

, there are several immediate

problems

that occur frequently in the whole community day-to-day,

such

as crimes and economic crises. Obviously, the

government

should not overlook them as these

problems

prompt thoroughly to chaos in society.

Furthermore

, the

government

will become distrustful in the public eye via the lack of concentration on other unsettling

problems

. Apparently,

this

will lead to the collapse of a nation, especially the laws and the orders.

Consequently

, it completely exerts negative impacts directly on the whole community,

due to

the excessive focus of the

government

on environmental and housing

issues

rather than other immediate ones. On balance, I believe that focusing on

problems

linked to the environment and accommodation can reduce the

health

problems

in citizens.

However

, I

also

believe that

government

should have a multi-view of society's general

problems

not just the narrow ones.

Submitted by khoi11nk11e on Mon Apr 22 2024

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Task Achievement

To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that your essay directly answers the question asked. A more definitive stance rather than staying neutral could make your argument stronger and enhance clarity.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help in providing a more substantial argument and improving the relevance of your examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve the coherence of your essay, try to make sure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Using linking words more effectively will enhance the logical flow of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

Develop your conclusion further by summarizing your points more explicitly and stating your position more clearly. This will provide a stronger closure to your argument.

Introduction

You successfully introduced the topic and presented a balanced view, which is a good strategy for the given task.

Logical Structure

Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for each main point, making it easier to follow.

Supported Main Points

You bring up valid points on the importance of addressing both environmental and housing issues as well as other societal problems, which shows an ability to think critically about the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?