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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People’s shopping habits depend more on the age group that they belong to than any other factors. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people’s #habits #age #group #factors
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These day
Change the determiner
This day
These days
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, shopping is influenced
by
Change preposition
for
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 a wide variety of reasons.
People
Use synonyms
's shopping
habits
Use synonyms
 depend on
the
Change the word
their
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 age group
while
Correct word choice
apply
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,
however
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it
based
Add a missing verb
is based
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 on other
factors
Use synonyms
 like financial status.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
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 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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my own opinion in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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.
The
Correct article usage
First
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first
Linking Words
 and foremost is that shopping
habits
Use synonyms
 mostly depend on financial status and
income
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich
people
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 can spend more
money
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 on shopping rather than middle and lower class
income
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. 
Moreover
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,
lower
Add a hyphen
lower-income
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income
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people
Use synonyms
 and family who can not afford on buying
different
Add an article
a different
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type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of things as they have to cover other expenses monthly. Another thing is,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
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 habit
based
Add a missing verb
is based
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 on their upbringing cultures. These
factors
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 influence each and every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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 in unique ways. To elaborate
further
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, the children who grew up in rich
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 will do frequently on shopping as they don't have to worry about
money
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than
Change preposition
like
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 poor
people
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. Among
sibilings
Correct your spelling
siblings
, their tastes of like and dislike are different in individuals as they
are grow
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grow
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 into adults.
Furthermore
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, the youngster can spend a lot of
money
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 as compared to elderly
people
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. Teenager
primarly
Correct your spelling
primarily
 spends on clothes, smartphones and cosmetic that are not
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for them. They spend extra
money
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 type of shopping than elderly
people
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.
Thus
Linking Words
,
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
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habits
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 depend on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 individuals and unique ways. In conclusion, I reckon that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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habits
Use synonyms
 can be considered as minor
factors
Use synonyms
 on age groups and it depends on their financial status,
Use synonyms
income
Add an article
the income
an income
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 of their upbringing environment are crucial
factors
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 which draw more attention.
Submitted by eiphyo2021 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shopping habits
  • age group
  • generational differences
  • individual preferences
  • interests
  • socioeconomic factors
  • cultural influences
  • marketing strategies
  • advertising
  • online shopping
  • technology
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