Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
These days, juvenile delinquency has increased in many countries. Some people believe
this
happened because the Linking Words
parents
ignored their responsibility to educate their Use synonyms
children
because they were too busy in the office. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will argue that I agree with Linking Words
this
statement, even though other factors, Linking Words
such
as social Linking Words
media
, shape the young generation’s habits.
Let's begin by looking at the role of Use synonyms
parents
in shaping their Use synonyms
children
's habits. Use synonyms
Parents
who spend too much time at work will lose their time controlling their Use synonyms
children
's interactions, which can cause their Use synonyms
children
to interact with bad people. To illustrate, based on a survey in 2020 in Jakarta City, 70% of youth using drugs influenced by their friends, and 90% of the Use synonyms
parents
of these teenagers never know who's their Use synonyms
children
’s mates are. It seems clear that youth crime can be prevented if the Use synonyms
parents
want to pay attention to their child's social environment.
Turning to the other side of the argument, one of the significant factors that can increase the issues of younger generations is the influence of social Use synonyms
media
. Social Use synonyms
media
, Use synonyms
such
as Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, or Facebook, can force teenagers to follow dangerous and destructive trends. Linking Words
For example
, in 2023, a trend in TikTok called “Fire Trend” asked users to make a fire on their palm, causing many accidents and fires in some countries. Linking Words
As a result
, many youths must be threatened in the hospital and dealing with the police.
In conclusion, I believe that Linking Words
parents
should be directly involved in their Use synonyms
children
’s development to ensure who their friends are and educate their Use synonyms
children
on how to use social Use synonyms
media
correctly. To realize Use synonyms
this
concept, the government should make a rule about employee office hours so everyone will have a work-life balance.Linking Words
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, and your main ideas are relevant to the task. Try to develop your ideas further and provide more in-depth examples to strengthen your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph clearly contains one main idea and explore the implications of your examples on a broader scale for a stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance cohesion, pay attention to the use of linking words and phrases. Introducing each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence will help, as will using cohesive devices more effectively to better connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.