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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

#people #parents #time #work #children #support #answers
These days, juvenile delinquency has increased in many countries. Some people believe
this
 happened because the
parents
 ignored their responsibility to educate their
children
 because they were too busy in the office. In
this
 essay, I will argue that I agree with
this
 statement, even though other factors,
such
 as social
media
, shape the young generation’s habits. Let's begin by looking at the role of
parents
 in shaping their
children
's habits.
Parents
 who spend too much time at work will lose their time controlling their
children
's interactions, which can cause their
children
 to interact with bad people. To illustrate, based on a survey in 2020 in Jakarta City, 70% of youth using drugs influenced by their friends, and 90% of the
parents
 of these teenagers never know who's their
children
’s mates are. It seems clear that youth crime can be prevented if the
parents
 want to pay attention to their child's social environment. Turning to the other side of the argument, one of the significant factors that can increase the issues of younger generations is the influence of social
media
. Social
media
,
such
 as Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, or Facebook, can force teenagers to follow dangerous and destructive trends.
For example
, in 2023, a trend in TikTok called “Fire Trend” asked users to make a fire on their palm, causing many accidents and fires in some countries.
As a result
, many youths must be threatened in the hospital and dealing with the police. In conclusion, I believe that
parents
 should be directly involved in their
children
’s development to ensure who their friends are and educate their
children
 on how to use social
media
 correctly. To realize
this
 concept, the government should make a rule about employee office hours so everyone will have a work-life balance.
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, and your main ideas are relevant to the task. Try to develop your ideas further and provide more in-depth examples to strengthen your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph clearly contains one main idea and explore the implications of your examples on a broader scale for a stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance cohesion, pay attention to the use of linking words and phrases. Introducing each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence will help, as will using cohesive devices more effectively to better connect your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental absenteeism
  • Youth delinquency
  • Social development
  • Work-life balance
  • Family-friendly policies
  • Substance abuse
  • Mental health issues
  • Influencers
  • Mitigate
  • Interventions
  • Quality time
  • Family dynamics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Alternative care
  • Behavioral problems
  • Social services
  • Parent-child interaction
  • Civic engagement
  • Peer pressure
  • Digital parenting
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