Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
These days, juvenile delinquency has increased in many countries. Some people believe
this
happened because the parents
ignored their responsibility to educate their children
because they were too busy in the office. In this
essay, I will argue that I agree with this
statement, even though other factors, such
as social media
, shape the young generation’s habits.
Let's begin by looking at the role of parents
in shaping their children
's habits. Parents
who spend too much time at work will lose their time controlling their children
's interactions, which can cause their children
to interact with bad people. To illustrate, based on a survey in 2020 in Jakarta City, 70% of youth using drugs influenced by their friends, and 90% of the parents
of these teenagers never know who's their children
’s mates are. It seems clear that youth crime can be prevented if the parents
want to pay attention to their child's social environment.
Turning to the other side of the argument, one of the significant factors that can increase the issues of younger generations is the influence of social media
. Social media
, such
as Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, or Facebook, can force teenagers to follow dangerous and destructive trends. For example
, in 2023, a trend in TikTok called “Fire Trend” asked users to make a fire on their palm, causing many accidents and fires in some countries. As a result
, many youths must be threatened in the hospital and dealing with the police.
In conclusion, I believe that parents
should be directly involved in their children
’s development to ensure who their friends are and educate their children
on how to use social media
correctly. To realize this
concept, the government should make a rule about employee office hours so everyone will have a work-life balance.Submitted by dewintaputri23 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, and your main ideas are relevant to the task. Try to develop your ideas further and provide more in-depth examples to strengthen your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph clearly contains one main idea and explore the implications of your examples on a broader scale for a stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance cohesion, pay attention to the use of linking words and phrases. Introducing each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence will help, as will using cohesive devices more effectively to better connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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