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Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Museums
 play a crucial role
in particular
plants
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plant
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 and animals conservation
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
also
 protect some historical facts. Some of the
museums
 require
entry
fees
 and others don't. In my eyes, it's really important protecting our
museums
 with permanent maintenance. in the following paragraphs ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss the pros and cons of
entry
fees
 and show how the advantages outweighed the disadvantages in detail. On the one hand, entrance
fees
 may discourage
people
 from visiting.
For example
, in Egypt which has plenty of historical
museums
 the admission
fees
 of some
museums
 were completely free 20 years ago.
Thus
,
people
 were taken their children there to show them how was the previous civilization, and to gain more information about history which prompted children to become tourist guides.
However
, the service was not in a good condition, there was no permanent maintenance which has a negative impact on
museums
. The government
then
 restricted the
entry
 and published that
people
 should pay for admission.
Consequently
, the number of
people
 who joined these buildings declined.
On the other hand
, admission charges help
museums
 to protect their collection and build the biggest
museums
. Following the claim
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have mentioned in the
second
 paragraph,the government used the revenue to maintain and renovate
museums
.
In addition
,
last
 year, the authority built the biggest museum in Egypt which has an enormous number of monuments.
Moreover
, revenue supports the authority to excavate new monuments in different locations inside Egypt. In conclusion,
museums
 are one of the most important destinations for tourists.
Entry
fees
 have many advantages
such
 as protecting
museums
 and keeping them up-to-date which will attract tourists and enhance the country's economy.
Submitted by marowan.selim on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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