IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?

#workers #jobs #home #part #week #office #computer #technology #countries #decades #society #growth
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The question of telecommuting and the effects it has on
society
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 has emerged as one of the most discussed issues of the modern era. Some people believe communication through computer technology will have a positive effect on
society
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. I am a supporter of
this
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 view. In
this
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 essay, I am discussing my view and experience, followed by my opinion concerning the issue. Many people strongly feel that telecommuting is a positive for
society
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.
That is
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 usually
due to
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 the fact that telecommuting boosts productivity, makes communication easier for both the employer and employee
,
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apply
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 and giving tasks through online communication will save time and solve problems much quicker. I am of the opinion that
this
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 belief is correct
because of
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for
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 many reasons,
such
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 as when I had a job in a marketing company, my manager used to send me Emails and make Zoom calls with me to check up on my work and progress.
This
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 saved time for both me and him.
Also
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, the time we saved by telecommuting made our productivity faster than almost all other sections in the company, and I was very comfortable in my home and my space. Having said that, telecommunication's growth is definitely helping
society
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 by giving employees peace of mind and providing a comfortable environment that can allow them to proceed with their tasks and hand in high-quality work. Recent studies showed that if an employee is comfortable with their environment, productivity increases by almost 67%. In conclusion, I personally believe that telecommuting will continue to increase in popularity and the effect it is having is very positive.
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, covering both the positive effects and your personal stance towards telecommuting. However, it would be beneficial to have a little more balance by addressing potential counterarguments or discussing possible challenges associated with telecommuting. This would deepen the analysis and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is fairly coherent and easy to follow. However, there are some minor issues with the logical flow in the second paragraph where the transition between points could be smoother. Try to use more transitional phrases to improve the coherence between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Including more specific examples and evidence to support your points can strengthen your argument. While the personal experience is a good touch, more general statistics or references to broader trends could add more depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, but you might consider briefly mentioning both sides of the argument to make it more comprehensive before asserting your final opinion.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and clearly states your position, which is a strong start to the essay.
task response
You provide relevant personal experience to support your point, making your argument more relatable and grounded.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, providing a clear end to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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