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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people in many countries. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that in the coming years the percentage of
geriartic
Correct your spelling
geriatric
geriatrics
people
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 will
supercede
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supersede
 in comparison to the younger individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 cause and why in my opinion it is a negative development. One of the main
reason
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reasons
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 behind
this
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 is the advancement in medical sciences. Due to
invention
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the invention
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 of various vaccines and
drugs
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,drugs
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 many
of
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apply
show examples
the diseases are curable nowadays.
Hence
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, it
has
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tohas
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to an increase in
life
Correct article usage
the life
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 expectancy of the
people
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. In
additition
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addition
, to
this
Linking Words
 in the present
era
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,era
show examples
 most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couples are more
career oriented
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career-oriented
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 and less inclined towards family planning.
Therefore
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, it has resulted in low birth rates.
For instance
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, in most of the regions of the Japan elderly
people
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 are more in number as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults because individuals in these provinces are more
workalcoholic
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work alcoholic
 and they have
less
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fewer
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prioprities
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priorities
 towards family planning. Undoubtedly,
this
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 kind of pattern in the population will cause
decline
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a decline
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 in the economy of a nation. Due to
this
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their
Replace the word
there
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 will be
less
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fewer
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 job opportunities for the younger
people
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 leading to unemployment.
Neverthless
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Nevertheless
, aged
people
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 are more experienced but they are not that energetic and
definitely
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,definitely
show examples
 they cannot match with the pace at which the pupils can work which is must
required
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require
be required
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 for boosting a country's economy. Other than
this
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,
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government
goverment
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the goverment
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 has to provide more funding if there will be a substantial increase in the population of old
people
Use synonyms
 as most of them are dependent. To conclude, with the advances in the field of medicine and less priority of
people
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 to have children and
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 family goals there has been a rise in the proportion of aged
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 I believe it is not a positive development as it will hamper the economy and will halt the growth of a nation.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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