IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #travel #university #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the total
number
Use synonyms
 of people who came in millions to the three different countries from 2000-2005, namely MET
Museum
Use synonyms
 in New York, Edo
Museum
Use synonyms
 in Tokyo and National
Museum
Use synonyms
 in China. Overall, the
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
MET
Change preposition
to MET
show examples
 and
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
 was increasing, whereas the
number
Use synonyms
 of residents who visited the Edo
Museum
Use synonyms
 fluctuated each year. In detail, the top
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2000 was the Edo
museum
Use synonyms
; it was approximately 13.5
million
Use synonyms
, and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was the National
Museum
Use synonyms
 in China, around 7
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
; while for the MET
Museum
Use synonyms
, it is between twice around 12
million
Use synonyms
. In 2001,
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the MET
Museum
Use synonyms
 saw a dramatic decline from 12
million
Use synonyms
 to 6
million
Use synonyms
; but
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 until 2005 was increased to 14
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2005. The trend was followed by the National
Museum
Use synonyms
, it increased steadily during the four years to 2003, with 11
million
Use synonyms
 people and was stable until 2004. In 2005, the
number
Use synonyms
 began to rise sharply to almost 16
million
Use synonyms
, making it the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 compared to other museums.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with MET
Museum
Use synonyms
 and National
Museum
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of personnel to come, experience is up to down. After stable in 2002
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 13
million
Use synonyms
, the graph fluctuated to around 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 2003
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and started to rise gradually
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 10
million
Use synonyms
 people in 2005.
Submitted by fasikhullisanugerah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: