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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #inventions #phones
Some
people
 believe that technological inventions
such
 as mobile phones
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
 less socially interactive but in my respective,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help
people
 communicate regardless
Change preposition
of times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and
locations
Fix the agreement mistake
location
show examples
. On the one hand, there is no doubt that if
people
 become addicted, the use of technology products may impair interactivity. Those
people
 may
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of time on it, they would rather
sitting
Change the verb form
sit
be sitting
show examples
 in front of the computer or their mobile phone rather
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 some face to
facr
Correct your spelling
face
 activity,
such
 as playing
ball
Add an article
a ball
show examples
 game.
As a result
, it will
hram
Correct your spelling
harm
 their social skill but
those problem
Change the determiner
that problem
those problems
show examples
 can
be avoid
Change the verb form
be avoided
show examples
.
For instance
, setting a time table,
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
limit
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
 their children using time
also
 are good ways to prevent addiction
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social media.
On the other hand
, opposite viewers believe that if
people
 use the new tech in the right way that will help
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 communicate.
Such
 as some social media apps Whatsapp and IG,
people
 can share and comment on their page, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 have a
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 but they can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
updated information. Covid 19 pandemic is a good example,
this
 two years many country lockdown and
people
 are
restictive
Correct your spelling
restrictive
 to go out. Social media is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important
ways
Change the noun form
way
show examples
 to
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
prepare
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
,
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 any restriction .
Moreover
, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 and school to sustain
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 teaching and learning.
Furthermore
, it
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the business aspect,
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 can hold the meeting online. Obviously, technological
invertions
Correct your spelling
inventions
inversions
are contribute
Change the verb form
are contributed
are contributing
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
, which is easy and fast. In conclusion, technological inventions can help
people
 get a quick and easy
repond
Correct your spelling
respond
 which can help the socially increase
interactive
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
.
Submitted by krt on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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