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Band 6

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completly wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. what is your opinion?

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
These days, the works are available for different ages, and some jobs are for
children
 . So, some people think
that is
 a wrong idea,
while
 others think to learn and get experience,
children
 should participate in some types of paid
work
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On the
one
 hand, assigning kids to do paid
work
 is a big mistake, as they have special properties at that age stage not allow them to commit to a specific thing.
For example
,
children
 of
this
 age can not protect themselves from any person who wants to do unethical actions. So, that's why some think that forcing the kids to
work
 to get money is
one
 of the ideas that must not apply to them.
On the other hand
, any job makes the person of various ages get money and experience from it. To illustrate, the
children
 who sell tea with different tastes, understand what the favourite tastes people.
Hence
 they believe that they can on the future rent a coffee shop in which they will succeed. In
one
 research paper, they mentioned the students who participated in these types of
work
, their knowledge and they knew how to deal with people smartly. In conclusion, after analysis of both points of view, I believe that paid
work
 is
one
 of the best solutions to keep
children
 from technology in general and from phones in specific.
Moreover
, the governments should support them with money or courses that guide them to the right side.
Submitted by bader.salem2001 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your discussion more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smoother, making use of linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts coherently.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your main points by supporting them with specific and relevant examples rather than general statements.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, make sure that you address all parts of the prompt and provide a balanced discussion before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
Make your ideas more comprehensive by elaborating on them, explaining the reasoning behind your statements, and exploring their implications.
coherence cohesion
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to showcase language proficiency and ensure a higher score. Also, pay attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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