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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

#people #children #work
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Paid
work
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
always
Add a missing verb
has always
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 a controversial subject in recent decades. Some people think that it is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 to
children
 while others think its
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
. On the one hand, supporters of
this
 argument
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that paid
work
 is an opportunity
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
children
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can reduce the financial stress on their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Children
 are more respected
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 as they
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 how hard their parents were.
Moreover
, they may
work
 harder at school because aware that only knowledge can change their life.
For example
, a
ten year old
Add a hyphen
ten-year-old
show examples
 boy unwilling
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 and always late to school, his father
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 him to his factory
worked
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 for a week. After
this
 week , the boy aware the how lucky he was and he study very hard and never
be
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 late again. The supporter believe paid
work
 is a good experience
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
children
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
 up.
On the other hand
, opposite viewers think that childhood should be play and
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
,
work
 for money is too stressful
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
. Most of the
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, have to communicate with other people,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 may not
mature
Add a missing verb
be mature
show examples
 and skilful enough to solve the abrupt problem. It will reduce their confidence and confidence is one of the most
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
feature
Change to a plural noun
features
show examples
 to be
Add an article
a success
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
. Confidence
children
 are better able to copy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peers
Change noun form
peers'
peer's
show examples
 stress , challenge, drawback, and positive and negative emotion. Building
children
's self-confidence and learning knowledge is the
first
 priority. In conclusion, both sides have
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages but I believe
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 if it is possible
let
Add the particle
to let
show examples
children
 enjoy their childhood, earning money is not their responsibility.
Submitted by krt on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial independence
  • responsibility
  • valuable skills
  • impact
  • education
  • exploitation
  • negative effects
  • social life
What to do next:
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