IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

An ageing population is affecting parts of the world

#population #parts #world
“People a lifetime cannot avoid death and ageing.According to the above , a sentence we could know about human beings' life must experience ageing progress and pass away.Nowadays,the world population have been increasing too faster,
therefore
 the experts are worried about the effects on society's medical resource and economic development.On the other ,hand we will discuss
this
 aftermath and its causes. “The major cause of medical resource was serious insufficient to support elder.The a consequence of hospitals and human resources burden couldn'
t
 continuous given to elder people or
lived
Add the particle
tolived
show examples
 be hospitalized patients not good in enough medical system,because of population grow fast have been bringing struction variety of age group in the country.
Therefore
 affect financial must to high expenses and medical resource lacking. “The
second
 reason is labour market shortage didn'
t
 have enough young people participate.The outcome of economy developed or lead to corporation management difficulty couldn'
t
 found the appropriate employee.The labour market need plenty of workers who form each country's participation career market,due to an ageing population affect many communities want to figure out a solution,
therefore
 developed state' government used appropriate policy like immigration to attract foreigner to participate make public normally developed and advanced. “The
third
 reason is retirement elder take responsibility issue. The ramification of the concerned worker requirement problem it's not just only financial expenses but
also
 the need for load workers to support older.
therefore
,
therefore
 other states developed retirement communities to take responsibility for the older,which could make a convenient to manage elders and offer comfort environment.
Such
 as offering nice facilities and 24-hour-a-day,bathing,feeding, laundry etc. The communities have paid a high expense it,but a part of people couldn'
t
 enough money burden it,I think it will big problem with the current society they just found a solution.
Submitted by eeepcseries on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: