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Band 5

SOME PEOPLE THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO SPEND MONEY ON ROADS AND MOTORWAYS THAN N PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEMS SUCH AS RAILWAYS AND TRAMS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #money #roads #motorways #n #transport #systems #railways #trams
IN AN EVER-PROGRESSIVE SOCIETY, WHETHER IT IS SALIENT TO USE THE BUDGET ON
MOTORWAYS
 AND
ROADS
 THAN ON THE SYSTEMS OF PUBLIC
TRANSPORT
 OR NOT, IS A CONTROVERSIAL DEBATE. IN LIGHT OF
THIS
, I AGREE THAT
ROADS
 AND
MOTORWAYS
 SHOULD BE SPENT MONEY ON
DUE
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TO MITIGATE ACCIDENT RATES AND SAVE NATIONAL EXPENDITURE
ALONG WITH
TIME
. ON THE ONE HAND, IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT SPENDING
EXPENSE
Fix the agreement mistake
EXPENSES
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 ON REFURBISHMENT OR CONSTRUCTING
ROADS
 AND
MOTORWAYS
 CAN ALLEVIATE
ACCIDENT
Correct article usage
THE ACCIDENT
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 RATIO. TO BE SPECIFIC, BEATEN PATHS OR POOR QUALITY ROUTINES MAY DETERIORATE THE ABILITY OF VEHICLE CONTROL, UNDIRECTLY LEADING TO
TRANSPORT
 INCIDENTS.
THEREFORE
, UPDATING
ROADS
 OR CONSTRUCTING THE HIGH-END QUALITY
ROADS
 COULD ENHANCE
DRIVER'S
Change noun form
DRIVER
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 CONTROL.
AS A RESULT
, PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A LOWER CHANCE OF FACING ACCIDENTS. TAKING DUONG LE STREET IN VIETNAM
FOR INSTANCE
, SINCE THE VIETNAMESE GOVERNMENT CONDUCTED SOME REPAIR PLANS, THE
TRANSPORT
 INCIDENTS ON
THIS
 ROAD HAVE WITNESSED A DECLINE OF ABOUT 50%. ANOTHER FACTOR WORTH CONSIDERING IS THAT USING MONEY ON MOTOR ROUTINE REFURBISHMENT WOULD BE A BIG SAVING ON THE BUDGET AND
TIME
.
THIS
 IS
DUE TO
 THE FACT THAT THE MATERIALS FOR STREET BUILDING AND INNOVATION ARE AFFORDABLE
,
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 AND COMPLETELY EASY TO FIND AND RECONSTRUCTING PROCESSES OFTEN BE COMPLETED IN A SHORT
TIME
. AS THE NATURAL OUTCOME, STREET INNOVATION WILL BE MORE PRODUCTIVE AND EFFICIENT COMPARED TO EXPENSIVE
TRANSPORT
 SYSTEMS
SUCH
 AS RAILWAYS AND TRAMS. TO EXEMPLIFY THE STATEMENT, AN ANNUAL REPORT FROM THE UK REVEALS THAT FXING RAILWAYS OR TRAIN STATIONS OFTEN GO OVER BUDGET AND
ARE
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REGULARLY
WITNESSED
Wrong verb form
WITNESS
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 DELAYS
WHILE
 BASIC INFRASTRUCTURES LIKE
ROADS
 SHOW THE OPPOSITE RESULTS. TAKING
AL
Change noun form
AL'S
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 POINTS INTO ACCOUNT, IT IS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED THAT ALLEVIATING
TRANSPORT
 INCIDENTS AND SAVING IN TERMS OF
TIME
 AND EXPENSE ARE ESSENTIAL POINTS WORTH CONSIDERING.
HENCE
, IT IS MORE VITAL TO SPEND THE FINANCE ON
ROADS
 AND
MOTORWAYS
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structure
Improving sentence structure and reducing redundancy would enhance readability. Your essay has some instances where sentences are overly complex.
explanation
Although you have supported your points with examples, make sure to clearly explain how each example relates to your main argument to make the essay more coherent.
introduction conclusion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are strong and clear. While you have both, they can be improved to better frame and summarize your arguments.
support
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, which strengthen your arguments.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively, discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear standpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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