IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #level #violence #films #tv #cinema
It is a debatable topic among different sections of
society
 whether governments should restrict violent content in
movies
 or not. I vehemently espouse that the degree of
violence
 in films on
TV
 and at the
cinema
 should be regulated by the authorities as
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 can increase the crime rate and leave bad impacts on children.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons why some
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of limiting the
violence
 presented on
TV
 and at the
cinema
 in films because it can directly increase the criminal activities in the
society
. To clarify, bad things may impact more on
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 brain so
such
Correct your spelling
much
show examples
 violent
movies
 can stimulate criminal thinking among
people
.
Hence
,
people
 not only can get an idea from these
movies
 to plan brutal activities, but
also
 they may not hesitate to harm other
people
.
In addition
,
such
 violent
movies
 can be a reason for the bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 children. After watching these
movies
 on
TV
 and at the cinemas, young ones may become disrespectful to their family members and friends. To cite an example, a survey conducted by The Guardian newspaper in March
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2015 revealed that 35% of youngsters had been behaving badly
with
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 other
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
society
 since they started watching violent films on
TV
 and at the
cinema
.
On the other hand
, many
people
 are against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea of putting
Add an article
a restriction
show examples
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on
violence
 in
movies
 as they believe these
movies
 are just for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment purposes. To expatiate, a large number of
people
 are inclined to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 brutal
movies
 because they feel
such
movies
interesting
Add a missing verb
are interesting
show examples
 and enjoyable to decrease their
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 stress.
Hence
, as all scenes of
such
movies
 are directed by experts and often not real so
people
 can enjoy
this
 cheap source of entertainment.
Moreover
, some violent
movies
 ramp up the attentiveness among
people
. To exemplify, many violent
movies
 describe the way to impart the knowledge of many methods which
people
 can use
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the time of emergencies like robbery and criminal
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
. To conclude,
though
Correct word choice
although
show examples
 a section of
society
 believes that there should be no restriction on the level of
violence
 shown in
movies
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
 and at the
cinema
, I advocate the belief of other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 of
society
 to regulate it so the increase in
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 cases and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 changes may not
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 due to these.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Word Count

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Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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