IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #level #violence #films #tv #cinema
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It is a debatable topic among different sections of
society
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 whether governments should restrict violent content in
movies
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 or not. I vehemently espouse that the degree of
violence
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 in films on
TV
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 and at the
cinema
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 should be regulated by the authorities as
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 can increase the crime rate and leave bad impacts on children.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons why some
people
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 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of limiting the
violence
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 presented on
TV
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 and at the
cinema
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 in films because it can directly increase the criminal activities in the
society
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. To clarify, bad things may impact more on
human
Add an article
the human
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 brain so
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such
Correct your spelling
much
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 violent
movies
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 can stimulate criminal thinking among
people
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.
Hence
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,
people
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 not only can get an idea from these
movies
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 to plan brutal activities, but
also
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 they may not hesitate to harm other
people
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.
In addition
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,
such
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 violent
movies
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 can be a reason for the bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 children. After watching these
movies
Use synonyms
 on
TV
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 and at the cinemas, young ones may become disrespectful to their family members and friends. To cite an example, a survey conducted by The Guardian newspaper in March
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2015 revealed that 35% of youngsters had been behaving badly
with
Change preposition
toward
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 other
people
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
society
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 since they started watching violent films on
TV
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 and at the
cinema
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
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 are against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea of putting
Add an article
a restriction
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restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 on
violence
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 in
movies
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 as they believe these
movies
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 are just for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment purposes. To expatiate, a large number of
people
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 are inclined to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 brutal
movies
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 because they feel
such
Linking Words
movies
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interesting
Add a missing verb
are interesting
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 and enjoyable to decrease their
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 stress.
Hence
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, as all scenes of
such
Linking Words
movies
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 are directed by experts and often not real so
people
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 can enjoy
this
Linking Words
 cheap source of entertainment.
Moreover
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, some violent
movies
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 ramp up the attentiveness among
people
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. To exemplify, many violent
movies
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 describe the way to impart the knowledge of many methods which
people
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 can use
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the time of emergencies like robbery and criminal
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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. To conclude,
though
Correct word choice
although
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 a section of
society
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 believes that there should be no restriction on the level of
violence
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 shown in
movies
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 and at the
cinema
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, I advocate the belief of other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 of
society
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 to regulate it so the increase in
crime
Replace the word
criminal
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 cases and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 changes may not
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 due to these.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Word Count

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Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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