IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
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Most of the new generation tend to move from the countryside to the big city for a better life, leaving the old people in the countryside. In
this
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 essay, I will understand what problems
this
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 brings and how they can be solved.
Firstly
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, I will talk about the disadvantages of
this
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 undertaking and,
secondly
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, how we can deal with them.
To begin
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 with, we must understand that prices in the town will be much higher than in the village.
For example
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, apartments, especially in the capital of the country, food, and any life will be more expensive. And it is very difficult to transfer there without large savings.
In addition
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, loneliness and a lack of companions can
also
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 await us if we have not found them on the Internet in advance. After all, all our friends and relatives remained in the previous place.
Besides
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, most likely we will experience stress and depression after moving to the metropolitan area.
On the other hand
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, the solutions to these problems are quite simple. If we have prospects for a good job and are confident that we are a specialist,
then
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 we don’t have to worry about the financial component at all. Over time, all relatives and friends can be transported to your place, helping them to settle down. As I said earlier, dating can be found on social networks by common interests, or even moving with your acquaintance and helping each other for the first time. In conclusion, I think that moving to a large city is a great idea if we are fully prepared for it and have weighed the pros and cons.
Otherwise
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, the relocation will not end in something good, and leaving your relatives alone in old age is not at all worth it.
Submitted by ruslanabbosovich on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both parts of the question, namely the problems caused by young people moving to cities and potential solutions to these problems. However, providing more specific examples and detailed explanations for each point would strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, try to use more transition words and phrases to smoothly guide your reader from one idea to the next. For example, words like 'moreover,' 'therefore,' and 'consequently' can help connect your points better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing the problems and solutions, and a concise conclusion. This logical structure makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You clearly address the task and articulate your ideas in a manner that is easy to understand. This demonstrates a solid understanding of the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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