IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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The
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 isn't as expensive as it used to be a couple of years back
hence
Linking Words
 access to the internet for students to find out information has become super easy.
Thus
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, there has been an ongoing debate where a group of people suggest that schools should focus on interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 more.My thoughts are inclined
with
Change preposition
toward
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this
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 view. In the upcoming paragraphs, one is going to discuss the importance of both
aspects
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 and
evolve
Verb problem
draw
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 a conclusion from
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
To begin
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 with, education is essential. it has played a vital role in the development of
children
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 and welfare of the society
hence
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 in an earlier
time
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools used to focus only on the educational
aspects
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.
Additionally
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, neither parents nor teachers had any idea about the benefits of add-on
skills
Use synonyms
. Both used to focus on the numbers on the result card.
For example
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, a couple of decades back, parents have always forced their
children
Use synonyms
 to pursue a career as a doctor, or an engineer. Very few parents have considered pursuing a sport as a career option and as a good source of income.
On the contrary
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,
Firstly
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, additional
skills
Use synonyms
,
as well as
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 interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
, have become absolutely necessary. In a cut-throat world, it is advisable that
children
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 are
well prepared
Add a hyphen
well-prepared
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 in all
aspects
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, during an interview, the interviewer is not going to offer a job based on the CV but they are
also
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 going to consider the candidate's ability to handle stressful situations,
time
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 management
skills
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, team coordinating
skills
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, etc.
Secondly
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,
children
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 can
also
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 spend
time
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 doing activities that they are interested in
such
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 as painting, singing, or dancing. These activities can become a healer in a stressful situation. Involvement in
such
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 activities can keep them away from evil thoughts.
To conclude
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, with the help of the internet after a point in
time
Use synonyms
, students can gather educational information on their own. But students are not aware of all
aspects
Use synonyms
 of life and those
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
attention. The schools can take corrective actions to bring the best out of the pupils.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the matter, guiding the reader on what to expect in the ensuing paragraphs.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of the essay, restate your position, and leave the reader with a final thought or recommendation based on your arguments.
Logical Structure
Provide logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs to ensure coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph should flow smoothly to the next, with clear connections and purpose.
Supporting Main Points
Back your main points with relevant examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. Make sure these examples are specific and directly support the point you're making.
Complete Response
Address the task prompt completely by providing a balanced perspective and a clear argument that responds to every part of the question. Make your position known and consistently support it throughout the essay.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate complex ideas and maintain the reader's interest.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. These examples should be detailed enough to enhance the reader's understanding of the ideas being presented.
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