IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishments for driving offences. Do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, dealing with the development of
roads’
Change noun form
roads
show examples
 safety has become a major problem worldwide. In some countries, severe punishments have been imposed for driving offences.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that it is not the best solution to prevent
car
Use synonyms
 accidents on the roads. The effects of proper instruction, hardening the
test
Use synonyms
 of the driving license for fresh candidates, and increase
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roads’ quality might considerably have better results that will be discussed
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nearly any driver needs to be instructed about driving techniques and different conditions of driving a
car
Use synonyms
 even though they have received a driving license. As an example, in Vancouver, which is famous for
low
Add an article
the low
a low
show examples
 rate of
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 see instructions and alerts about safe driving nearly everywhere
such
Linking Words
 as
city
Change preposition
in city
show examples
 advertisements and television programs. In fact, the more we are aware of the danger of driving offences, the more carefully we drive on the roads.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Add a hyphen
well-instructed
show examples
well instructed
Add a hyphen
well-instructed
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 drive concisely which will prevent them to experience
car
Use synonyms
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 on roads.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as the procedure of getting
driving
Correct article usage
a driving
show examples
 license
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 harder,
people
Use synonyms
 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 ability of driving make it to pass the driving
test
Use synonyms
. Statistics reveal that after applying major changes in driving
test
Use synonyms
 fundamentals in Canada, the rate of
car
Use synonyms
 accidents declined in 1951. It’s clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have passed the
test
Use synonyms
 successfully would be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
 due to having more practical and harder tests. In conclusion, manipulating the procedures of driving exams and giving candidates more challenging
Use synonyms
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 would be a proper solution which has shown its results formerly.
Finally
Linking Words
, old vehicles sometimes might be difficult to control. Based on police statistics, nearly 72
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 accident in 2021 was for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
automobiles
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produced before 1995.
In other words
Linking Words
, drivers have more ability to control the vehicle in new-brand cars. To summarize, I believe that well instruction of
people
Use synonyms
, more challenging driving tests, and replacing old vehicles with new ones are the best solutions for improving road safety. I believe that there would be better solutions in the future
such
Linking Words
 as the development of cars with artificial intelligence,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 currently we can not rely on
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and unexperimented ways.
Submitted by mehrad.aghaei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • reckless behavior
  • psychological deterrence
  • adhere
  • penalties
  • awareness campaigns
  • knowledge and skills
  • technological solutions
  • advanced safety features
  • automatic braking systems
  • lane departure warnings
  • traffic surveillance
  • enforce laws
  • socio-economic impact
  • disproportionately
  • broader social issues
  • community engagement
  • road safety culture
  • collective responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: